48 Minutes of Korie and Miss Kay Surv1ving Robertson Cha0s
KORIE: Hey, guys. What about it? Oh, I thought you were Willie. No, it’s just me, but I need your help. Oh, boy. Willie’s birthday is coming up, and I am, like, fresh out of ideas. Karaoke machine. Hm, I’m not sure about that for, like, a guy. I mean I’m with Korie on that. Taco party. You mean like a party with tacos? Hmm.
What we can do look, we can all bring our g.uns, sh0tg.uns, rifles. And I’ll bring dynamite and napalm. We’ll come at your house at night, and we’d shoot stuff and just have a big old party. Mm mm. I’m not feeling it. OK. Jase, it’s Missy’s birthday, too. What’d you get her? I’ve got her taken care of. I got her a red DeLorean convertible for her birthday.
No way. Oh, yeah. You gave it to her already? Oh, yeah. Now the pressure is on. What do you get the redneck who’s got everything? Willie’s hard to buy for. Yeah. So you give him something greater than an actual gift. Have a g.un party. Uh uh. You give him an experience. It’s got to be good, though, Jase.
We go to D’Arbonne Lake. Wow. Just like when we were kids. We take him back to the future. That’s actually not a bad idea. When I was a kid and we lived on D’Arbonne Lake, we didn’t have the means to really enjoy it properly. Think back to when we were kids. We’re on the bank. We’re catching fish, making mud pies.
We’re going to go back to our roots. But this time, we’re going to do it right. Get us a speedboat. We’re out in the water. We fish. And then we could lay out the sun. Perfect. It’s not often that I get to do something really nice for my brother. Jep, we’re not laying out. That I’m doing it, buddy. Jep. So he better enjoy it, savor it, and not get used to it.
It’s a great idea, but you have to actually pull it off. Do I not come through when it comes to organizing adventures? Eh. Mm. Meh. What are you talking about? 50 50 at be4st. Yeah. If you’re connected, and I am, you can pull it off. I guarantee it. Where are we going to stay this time of year at the lake? It’s going to be packed.
My uncle’s got a lake house up there. Godwin’s got an uncle. I told you. I have connections. OK. I think I’m not even trying, and it’s just happening. And it’s just falling into place. Everybody can celebrate together. It’s perfect. And we’ll highlight Willie because Yeah. Missy got the red convertible.
Yes. I can’t wait to see what you get me for my birthday. I’ll get you something great next year. What do you mean, next year? That’ll be incentive to stay alive. [music playing] SI: Thanks a lot. MAN: Oh, finally. KORIE: Whoo, we made it. MAN: Took a while, but here we are. MAN: Yeah. It’s beautiful, I’ll say that.
KORIE: Good job, Jase. It’s going to be awesome. We have arrived. Now, I’ve been skeptical about Jase organizing this tr.i.p so far, but maybe I’m being too hard on him. MAN: Let’s go fishing. After all, we did get here with a perfect amount of time to drop our stuff off at the house, do our business, and get on the water before sunset.
What are you doing? I’m going to go fishing. Where’s they key? The key oh, what did Godwin say? You don’t have the key? Jase. Nope, I knew it all along. He blew it. Godwin said the key was under a rock by the dock. KORIE: By the dock? Dock? Deck. Deck. I think he said deck. Which deck? Bottom deck or the top deck? Well, he said [grunting] What? [grunt] Dock? [grunt] Deck.
[grunt] Dock? It could have been dock. We drove 45 minutes, and you knuckleheads don’t even know where the key to the house is? If you would have planned that right, we’d already all be fishing. That’s why I didn’t plan it, because I wanted it to be spontaneous. [music playing] Willie’s problem is, he’s way too worried about what the plan is instead of enjoying the process.
I’ll find the key. Everybody relax. Everything is going according to my plan, which was really no plan at all. You’re sure you didn’t say the dock? He said a fake rock, but how would you tell the fake rock? This doesn’t look real. It looks like this could be a while. Let’s just put our stuff down and hang out.
All right. All these rocks are real. There’s rocks all the way around this thing. Maybe I should go check on the guys. Yeah, I think so. Godwin cannot give instructions on anything. We all know this. Well, I mean, you got to take some of the blame, too. For what? MISSY: OK You planned this thing.
What is taking so long? You don’t even have a darn key. MISSY: River said he’s got to do number one plus two. I think that means three, and Go in the lake. He’s not pooping in the lake. Fish will eat it. MISSY: Gross. So what’s your plan? I’m going to throw a rock through the window and That’s the best we got. get in the house.
That’s not a plan. Have y’all called Godwin? No. You’ve not called Godwin? Why didn’t you call him, you idiot? It’s always easier to get forgiveness than permission. Bust a window. It’s real easy just to call somebody and find out where the darn key is. [phone ringing] [music playing] Crap, there’s stickers. [phone ringing] Hey.
Man, I crushed this bucket. [phone ringing] Still ringing. Oh, no. [phone ringing] Hello? Godwin. Hello? Crap. Hello? Godwin, I cannot hear you. GODWIN (ON PHONE): Who is this? Wh@tever you’re doing, step away from. I’m in a hot tub. We’re at your uncle’s lake house, and we can’t find the key. Oh, god. Get out of the hut for a second.
When you take a man that already sounds like a Muppet speaking through a wet rag Hot tub. add a cell phone and a hot tub, not to mention the disgusting images that knowing Godwin is in a hot tub conjures up [splashing] It becomes more than a little difficult to properly communicate. We’ve checked all the rocks by the deck.
There’s no key. They key is in the rock by the door. What? I just need to get into the lake house. So please, let this be my last birthday surprise. Have you all checked the doors? Well, we checked these doors. GODWIN (ON PHONE): By the door. You only checked get these down here? Honestly, I don’t think I can take another birthday surprise.
Oh my goodness. We have a fake rock. Does it have a key in it? GODWIN (ON PHONE): Can you hear me? [key jingling] Yay. We found it. GODWIN (ON PHONE): Rock by the door. Bye. [phone beeping] He’s an idiot. [music playing] All right, guys, come on. Let’s hurry up. All hands on deck. Sea ahoy. Let’s go. MAN: Did y’all bring enough stuff? Hey, colorful rope.
There’s my knee board that I didn’t really want. Shiver me timber. Let’s go. Let’s get out there. Si, you do a terrible pirate. Hey, come on, matey. Let’s go. Look, ever since I woke up this morning, I wanted to be a pirate. Unfurl the sails up there. Hey, look, it don’t take much to be a pirate, OK? Got to have a boat check.
You need a beard check. Hey, I’m Captain Ahab. You’re the whale. I’m in the boat. You still look like a whale to me. And you need to know the lingo. Avast, mateys. It’s time to set sail. Yar, it’s the swashbuckling life for me, mateys. Sea ahoy. Let’s go. Hey, hands off my booty, you liver loving scurvy dogs. Swab the deck.
Avast. I need more grog to wet my whistle. Si, they’re not swabbing the deck. They’re trying Well, if don’t hurry up, I’m liable to puke on the deck, OK? Then they’ll have to swab it. That be good grog we have here. Yar. Up with the anchor. Arrr. Let’s go get me booty. [water splashing] Me booty. Just untie the boat, John Luke.
All right. We ready? Jase, we ain’t got room for y’all. There’s no room on the boat. Dude, I want to go knee boarding. We ain’t got room. I mean, you can take my place. No, I know skiing is, like, your favorite thing. That’s all right, babe. Yeah, come on, babe. I just figured since I bought the boat You rented the boat.
Same difference. Willie’s first mistake is that he actually thinks that I give a r.i.p that he uses this boat without me. If you would have bought the bigger boat, we wouldn’t have this problem. I’m not a big boat guy. I’m a speed guy. I’m built for speed. There’s nothing about you that says, I’m fast. If he’d rather spend his time with Si We was crossing a stream in ‘Nam That’s his choice.
and there’s a guy still missing in action because the last time we’ve seen him, there was a catfish going downstream with him. This is providing me the perfect distraction to find Willie’s next birthday surprise. Look, the meter is running on this boat rental. Let’s get this show on the road, all right? John Luke, steady.
Untie us. MISSY: Have fun. Let’s go catch some fish. SI: Yo, ho, ho and a bottle of tea. [music playing] WILLIE: I didn’t really fully realize until now, but Jase really came through with this tr.i.p. I got some quality family time in. And all in all, it turned out to be a pretty decent [car honking] JASE: Surprise.
We’re not done yet, Willie. What is that? That’s my dude. WILLIE: That’s your dude? Got one more surprise for you. Hey, what’s up? Jase, no offense, but your surprises haven’t really worked out this tr.i.p. All the surprises are leading to the pinnacle. This is the pinnacle. [music playing] Here’s what I have to say to everyone who doubted me.
This is the greatest surprise ever. Y’all can keep your detailed plans and your calling ahead and making reservations. Did you plan this one out? I’ve been planning this for at least an hour. Because without any of that, I gave Willie the greatest gift of all. Jase, you sure about this? The gift of flight. Sure.
What could go wrong? A lot could go wrong. I mean, you’re strapped in. I’m aware I’m strapped in. Enjoy the ride. You got it, baby. All right, Willie. You look like an astronaut. All right. Are you sure I’m strapped in good? Look about right. I don’t know. This something doesn’t feel right. What are you talking about? It’s fine.
You got this, babe. Oh my goodness. Come on. [scream] [splashing] KORIE: He’s in. [spitting] [cheering] All right, here we go. Jase, are you sure about this? Yeah. Look, there’s one thing I know about Willie. He usually needs a little push in order to have fun. I don’t know, man. It seems sketchy. It looks d4ngerous, but it’s actually not.
You’ve never done this. He gets all nervous and uptight. Oh, crap. I can’t breathe. Are you sure I’m strapped in good? Whoa. So it’s up to me to try and convince him to take a chance on something. Man, you’re strapped in. Enjoy the ride, man. That’s what I’m here for. Plus, it provides a little entertainment for the whole family to enjoy.
[clucking] SI: Oh, there’s movement. [cheering] Oh, there’s movement. There’s movement. OK, he’s making a move. KORIE: You got it! SI: [singing] [cheering] Oh [splashing] [groaning] SI: Uh oh. WOMAN: Big fall. Thought he had it mastered there for a second. Man down. OK, gravity, one. Willie, zero. Let’s try again.
[splashing] MAN: Uh oh. Oh boy. SI: He’s out. Oh, he’s submarining again, boy. Abort. Abort. [splashing] Boo. Come on, babe. You can do it. Go. Go. Lift. SI: Beam him up, Scotty. This is awesome. I don’t know how Jase did it, but he pulled it off. Up. I feel like I’m up. This is legitimately the craziest gift anyone’s ever given me.
[cheering] I think you’re pushing the weight limit on that thing. Shut up, Jep. Well, the craziest gift was definitely that time Si got me a bone that kind of looked like a human leg bone, but I don’t know. I didn’t ask. I just said thank you. SI: Hey, give it some power. You’re not pushing the up button, idiot.
Shut up, Si. KORIE: Good job, babe. But this is definitely the coolest craziest gift anyone’s ever given me. SI: There you go. Oh, here he goes again, boys. KORIE: You got it, Willie! You can do it. Come on, baby. MAN: All right, here he comes. [cheering] [dramatic music] [cheering] SI: Look at his legs. [cheering] MAN: This is awesome.
Hey, watching Willie on that jet pack right now, I feel like the kid in “Free Willy.” There she blows, matey! [cheering] He’s flying. You know, when the whale’s coming right over his head. Man, he’s got the hang of it now. [cheering] But with Willie, I’m afraid he’s fixing to fall. He’s fixed to blow, boys. Look, if he falls, he’s going to take us all out.
[cheering] WOMAN: Oh, no! WOMAN: There’s land over here. Don’t come this way. I’m talking about hey, we gone. [music playing] [cheering] SI: Finally got the hang of it. WOMAN: That was good. [applause] SI: All right. Good job. I have to hand it to Jase. For a while, it looked like he had bit off more than he can chew.
And for the most part, he did. SI: Happy birthday. WOMAN: Happy birthday, Willie. But he pulled it together in true Jase Robertson fashion at the very last possible minute. Good job, babe. That was awesome. He got Willie a great present, and he brought the whole family together, which is no small task for this group.
He doesn’t look good. Do you think he’s OK? Yeah, he’s just resting. [splashing] I see bubbles coming out of his suit. [music playing] MAN: Oh, we’re good. WOMAN: Gross. [duck call] KORIE: Hey. GODWIN: Hey, boss lady. What’s going on? Just work. We’re trying to get ready for the Church Festival, so we need some decoys.
KORIE: Jessica and I are running the games this year. We have this carnival game where you, like, knock things down. Normally it’s, like, bowling pins. But since we’re Duck Commander, we’re gonna use duck decoys. MARTIN: The only ones we got up here are on the roof. What are they doing on the roof? Well, we got in an argument on how often they updated satellite imagery.
Where is the scissor lift? That’s out there in the warehouse. You can drive it? Can you do it? KORIE: Jessica? Yeah, I can do it. Hey, go ahead. JESSICA: I’ll show you. KORIE: Let’s do it. That’s gonna be funny right there. Yeah. There it is. Oh, my goodness. I’m not sure this is a good idea. [chuckles] You ready? I’m trusting you.
Oh, my gosh! It’s OK. Look, I know what I’m doing. Jessica, watch out! Ow! We got it. Have a little faith. Lower it. Lower. Lower. Lower. Oh, shoot. Which one of them pizzas you like better, New York or Chicago? Oh, there’s no doubt. New York’s the way to go, thin crust. Jessica, this is cr4zy. Where are they? Oh, no. Look.
We got to walk all the way over there. Is that gonna hold us? Let’s just see how far we can go up. Well, no. We got to step off. Jessica! Hey, Jessica, the decoys are up there. Yeah. Thanks, Martin. Thanks for telling me now. Thanks. All right. Take us down. Take us down. I’m trying. It’s not working. No.
Battery’s de@d. Be serious. I have no faith in Godwin and Martin. MARTIN: Well, go through the tree. What? You’re gonna have to find something to get us down. Korie and I are gonna be stuck up here all day. We got that ladder back there. We might as well get it, get ’em down before they p4nic. You know? Help us out.
All right. Let me get this out of the way. Ah! [screaming] It’s a skunk! Oh, I think it got me! Oh, man. [retches] I think that’s a direct hit. Oh, it’s terrible. I can’t breathe! Godwin smells worse than the south end of a northbound donkey. [retches] Take that shirt off! MARTIN: Oh, man. MARTIN: All right. I got you.
That is really bad. A skunk smell is more like a bad case of BO. Oh, wow. Oh! [retches] MARTIN: Oh, wow! Kind of like the Robertson man BO after duck h.unting all day. My eyes are burning! Your eyes? Oh, man, I You got my ladder? I think it’s on my skin. Uh oh, here we go. Hey, that roof’s hot. KORIE: Martin, what is your plan? I’m gonna come out there and get y’all.
I’m gonna help y’all down. You got to hurry up! Godwin, the skunk! [yelling] Don’t leave us! Now, how am I gonna get down? Oh, my goodness, Deputy Talbot. What’s going on here? The battery went de@d and we’re stuck up here. You mind helping me out there, deputy? Thank you. My man. Godwin, where’s your clothes at? I had to cut ’em off.
I got sprayed by a skunk. Yeah, you did. Hey, I was fixing to get that sucker. With that? Yeah. I was gonna take care of business with it. Hello! Did you try the emergency switch? No. All these scissor lifts have an emergency switch on ’em. Oh. Oh, my goodness, we’re going down! Yay! Could they have done that all along? Godwin, you didn’t know about that switch? I didn’t know about it.
Ah. Why did Godwin and Martin not do that hours ago? Thank you. We really appreciate it. Y’all have a good day. MARTIN: Thank you, officer. You’re the man. Thank you. Thank you so much. Boy, that was fun. JESSICA: We still didn’t get the decoys. [upbeat music] [duck call] KORIE: Where are the guys? JESSICA: I would probably warn different shoes I know, if I knew I was gonna load.
There they are. Are they here? Where have y’all been? Huh? Yeah. You’re loading the rest of the these. They’re heavy. All right, so where are the decoys? What decoys? Do not tell me they’re still on the roof. WILLIE: Korie’s like all the Robertson women. When they get locked in on something, they ain’t getting off of it.
I need the decoys. You’re out there trying to get honey in the middle of the night. I need this for the Church Festival. That’s your problem. This is not a rocket science project. You’re the idiot who couldn’t get up there and get ’em on the scissor lift. You’re the idiot that’s thought bees don’t sting at night.
And look at you. I’m in pain. I just got dope popped by 1,000 bees on the back of my head. Just get the decoys. Admit you’re stupid. Those bee stings went to your brain. Let me show you how hard it is to get these down. All right. Go get ’em. So here I am getting dr4gged into another one. Willie, you gotta help me.
I’m gonna do it. I ain’t getting up there, boys. I’m scared of heights. KORIE: Throw the decoys down. Here’s the decoys. KORIE: Oh, gosh. Oh, my word! WILLIE: Cha cha. JESSICA: Jase, we need ’em in tact! Oh, we should push him down. Push the little thing. Remember there’s that button? OK, I’ll do it. Do it. You go do it.
Decoys start getting lighter and lighter when they’re in the sun. KORIE: Come on, guys! SI: Hey. Hey. Hurry up! JASE: How long does it take? SI: Hey. WILLIE: Si, what are you doing? JASE: What are you doing? Hey, I ain’t doing nothing. Wh wh what are you doing? Si! Hey, the stupid thing’s running by itself.
JESSICA: What does it look like we’re doing? We’re gonna give you a little taste of your own medicine, Jack. Oh, that’s real funny. Real funny. Thanks for the decoys. KORIE: Yeah. Serves y’all right for laughing at us. KORIE: That’s right. This is embarra.ssing, that you’re with the women. Si’s with us.
Yo, hey, I spent 24 and 1/2 years in the military. But any time there’s a choice between two bearded men and two beautiful women, hey, Si is always gonna go with the two beautiful women. Boys, in Vietnam we called that a successful ambush. That’s right. Look here. This is losers weepers, finders keepers. Somebody’s got to win.
It might as well be me. Apologize. All you have to do is say I’m sorry. Say I’m sorry. I’m not apologizing for you being stupid. Well, how you think you’re gonna get down? Oh, I can get down. There’s a five letter word that makes people start doing all kinds of cr4zy things. Money. $100, right here. Nah. Unbelievable.
$100, going once. Nah. Got $100! $100, going twice. KORIE: Yeah, right. Drop it. WILLIE: There we go. Jess, are you seriously gonna do it? Hey, it’s $100. Money talks, hon. Money talks. See what works? Y’all are ridiculous. All aboard, boys. I’m getting off cheap. I’d go up to $1,000 to not say I’m sorry. I’d go up to $1,000 to not say I’m sorry.
All women love money. It works every time. Look at this. Look at this. Look at this. It’s too much. Look at it. PHIL: Hey! Now what am I going to do? Usually I bring my pot boudin to the church potluck dinner and they stand in line for them. It was supposed to be 100 people, but they didn’t eat. I’ve never had such a problem getting people to eat my boudin.
Must be skinny girls. All they’re worried about is if they gain an ounce. You know, I think you could take a couple of these trays. No. You need a sausage, honey. Well, the reason y’all had all that boudin left, these skinny girls they don’t eat boudin. I eat everything. Hey. I can eat four or five pounds of boudin in one sitting, just about.
It literally is better than sex, when you’re my age. You like a good healthy women like me, don’t you? Hey, I like a woman that’s got a little meat on her bones. Sex or boudin, honey? Uh, let’s go with boudin. Hey, good call. Well, what are you gonna do, give it away? I’ve got to do something. This is ridiculous.
I mean, my friend has an old truck that we could out of. What is it, a 18 wheeler or some kind of big rig or what? No. It was an ice cream truck that she converted to sell food out of. It’s perfect. I like it. I like it. I like it. JESSICA: There you go. I have one question. I know this is a cr4zy question. Who’s going to drive the truck? I’m thinking about you.
So what do I get out of this deal? All the boudin you can eat, and I might even give you some kisses later. What about that? Well, that might work right there, woman. One of them back room meetings. I like it, Miss Kay. Thank you. I’ll get my money’s worth before this day’s over. [music playing] JESSICA: Phil! Miss Kay! Hey.
Hey, hey, hey! Check this out. [gasps] Oh, my goodness. Look at that. What is The boudin bus. That is amazing. You like these? I love them. Don’t you love them? Oh, I’m all fired up. At 50 I’d have said nah, you ain’t getting me on no food truck. Boy, this is a pretty snazzy looking little rig, here. Oh, my goodness.
But at 66, OK, let’s go riding on the food truck. [music playing] JESSICA: This will be a fun venture today. Is this better than a day at The Land? No. Well, Boudin Buggy, coming down the road. All right. I see some kids right here, Kay. We might make a sale right here. My job and Miss Kay’s job is to enlighten the yuppie world.
Boudin has come to the subdivision. [horn honking] Ice cream! Ice cream! Ice cream! Ice cream! Ice cream! No ice cream, boudin. Boudin? The yuppie kids don’t know what boudin is. What’s in it? It’s hog guts full of rice and some seed. And get you some of it. Ew. Ew. These days, show the yuppie kids a hog liver and they’re like, whoa.
Hey, it’s hot, it’s fast, it’s cheap. Skinny ones in the front, fat ones in the back. Let’s go. No. No. I wanted ice cream. Them yuppie kids ain’t hungry enough. That’s their problem. Yuppie kids are missing out and don’t even know it. Move on, nerds. Moving on, yuppie kids. [music playing] I want to plan a tr.i.p to Canton.
I love it. JESSICA: I need some new furniture. KAY: Willie embarra.ssed me last time when he bought that horsehair coat. He was like fat guy in a little coat? No, it was like a stinky horse on a fat man. That’s what it was like. There he is. KAY: Oh, speak of the devil. There he is. Kay, I need to help Phil with the land, and I forgot my boots.
Does he have an extra pair? Go in there. You’ll find it. You’ll see them. WILLIE: Kay, have you seen this room? I live here. Of course I’ve seen the room. WILLIE: Kay, there’s so much crap in there, I can’t find nothing. It’s a little cluttered. WILLIE: There’s a panda. KAY: Stop throwing things! JESSICA: You’re gonna to break something.
That’s garbage. I get after Mom all the time. And it’s just playful, and it’s just joking. Hey, that’s a typewriter. If she wants to fill her house up with a bunch of stuff, hey. But she does need to hear it, though. What is this? You know the man that brings me the eggs? What am I supposed to put them in? WILLIE: Kay, this is garbage.
My things are collections. I don’t care what they say. Why do you have clothes laying there? I get a shirt for every airport I go through. Give me that. WILLIE: Kay, it’s out of control. KAY: No. No, it’s not. WILLIE: You know what you look like? What? You look like a hoarder. KAY: I do have hoarding tendencies.
They said it’s a mental disorder, so I may have that. We have mental illness in my family and Phil’s. It kind of makes you see why the boys are like they are. WILLIE: Clean this crap up. KAY: If he broke that typewriter, he’s going to pay for that. [country music] Where you been all day? Blowing duck blinds, as much as I h@te to say it.
You’ll just have to get over it, won’t you? Willie, he’s the one that concocted that scheme. A redneck stunt if I ever seen one. It’s never dull being married to a Robertson never. It’s just like, you know, I’m the man. You’re the woman. We’re, like, in the cave. But not really, we’re in modern times. They blew that sucker Well, speaking of getting rid of things, that RV out there, it’s ugly and I want to get it out.
I’m gonna have a yard sale, and that’s gonna be the first thing to go. That is unlike you, to move stuff out. Well, it’s a new day dawning. Well, I don’t know what you’re laughing at. As much stuff as you’ve got around here, and you talk about fixing to get rid of some of it? KAY: That’s right. Well, what people need to realize about the South, everything is usable.
One man’s junk is another man’s treasure. You know what, let me give you a job. You and Jim Red are gonna go out there and get us some squirrels. SI: I’m on it. I’m going squirrel h.unting. I love fried squirrel. I always have since I was a girl, and especially the squirrel brains, which Phil loves to tell everybody in the whole world that.
Because they always go, ooh, gross, that’s horrible. But I do like them. I can’t help it. They’re good. [music playing] The first time I was squirrel h.unting, I was six years old. You got to be a good sh0t because they quick and they’re little. You never want to make the cook mad. SI (VOICEOVER): When the grub runs out, things get tough around the house.
SI: Got another one, Red! They slicked me the first couple of hours, but you can’t even spell squirrel without S I. And that’s me. Phil didn’t believe me when I told him I was going to have a yard sale and get rid of all that junk. But I thought, well, I’ve lived with this junk in this house for years. So we’re going to do it, and that’s the way it’s going to go.
What are you looking at on these g.uns right here? I would say $20. $20? These g.uns are about 100 years old. Does that sound like a good price to you? Yeah, that’s a good idea. My daughter in laws will be so happy to help me with this, because they want to get rid of the junk. Aw, JJ. JJ, you gotta go. What is a fly swatter That chair is a most disgusting thing.
I mean, it stinks. There’s a few dog toys. KAY: It’s got duck feathers on it. A spoon. There’s no telling how much food, Phil’s beard hair, insects. That chair is a health hazard. So it’s got to go. Phil’s always like, don’t touch my stuff. Don’t touch my stuff. He’s gonna be mad. Come and get it! The garage sale is officially on.
You like it? Good. Even when you have a garage sale, it’s like any other thing I have at my house. It’s always food involved. Always. I love meeting new people. Come back and see me. A party is not a party without jumbalaya. Thank you. Well, thank y’all. All right, see y’all later. KAY: Somebody actually bought that chair.
I can’t believe it. I thought it was just going to go the dump. But they actually bought it. Sometimes it amazes me what people will spend good money on. Kind of like that squirrel there. Well, I can sell you that squirrel. MOUNTAIN MAN: I got another squirrel I can put him beside. Would you take $5 for him? I’ll take $5.
MOUNTAIN MAN: You would? You can have it for 5. All righty. WILLIE: That looked like my chair. JEP: I know that’s my squirrel. Hey, Mountain Man. Hey, Willie. What are you doing with my squirrel? Bought it at a garage sale Korie’s having down the road. That’s my squirrel. I didn’t know it was your squirrel. Yeah, that’s my squirrel. Well, I gave $5 for it.
Well, I’ll tell you what, I’m gonna give you $10, and I’m taking it back. I’d rather have the squirrel, Willie. Let me rephrase this. I’m going to give you $10. This deal’s over. I apologize for the inconvenience. MAN: Hey, Mountain Man. Hey. MAN: Hey, Mountain Man. PHIL: What in the world is all this? Hey. Ms.
Kay, tell me that was not my chair heading up the road with them hippie girls. I would say it’s kind of a sh0ck to a man’s system, you know, when some of his stuff is out in the yard being pawned off to the local rednecks. 47 years married to your mama, getting rid of his chair is like getting rid of his dog. I’ve been married to Phil since I was 16. He always has trouble letting go of things, and any kind of change.
It stunk. We had a garage sale. We got rid of the junk. I didn’t consider my chair, at this point, to be rummage. Hey, buddy, I’ll get you a new chair. How about that? Now we cooking with peanut oil. There you go. Women are like Labrador retrievers. They all have quirks. But you stay married to 45, 50 years, you learn to go with the quirks.
How much did y’all make? Almost $600. I want $10 of it back, because I just had to buy this back. KAY: How about y’all go clean up and get ready for supper. Hey, I’m on my way. [rock music] [rooster crows] [Miss Kay] I think it’s my best decorations yet. What do you think, Phil? Yep. Well, look. You’re not even looking.
I’m lookin’ for this doggone thorn. Look, see, we still got your duck here and your duck there we’re not losin’ the ducks. Where is that sucker? They’re just blended right in with the rest of the stuff. You like that? I see it. [Miss Kay] And see, there’s Santa with the deer I love it, don’t you? I got that sucker. Whoo. [sighs] Ohh.
[Phil] Well, Miss Kay’s always one upped herself, and that’s been goin’ on for about 50 years, when it comes to Christmastime. Oh! There went the barn. [thud] [bleating] It just keeps gettin’ bigger. So good night, if we on the Earth another 25 years… Whoo. [door opens] [Miss Kay] Hey. Ooh!
It’s lookin’… [Miss Kay] Merry Christmas! Christma.ssy in here. Where you boys after today? Well… we’re gonna do a little meat h.untin’. Meat run. One of the family traditions during Christmas is we h.unt. Y’all need to get me some more squirrels. I got some yesterday, but it ain’t enough to feed all y’all. Squirrels are definitely on the list.
And we shoot anything edible that we see. And that’s what I like about this time a year. This is what Christmas is about. Hey, I like it. Why don’t you come with us? Yeah, that can be arranged, Jase. No. You promised you’d go get the Christmas tree, ‘member? I had forgotten that. That knocks me out. Y’all on your own.
No, not really. I really need them to hang the lights outside. Hee hee. [Willie] No, we’re h.untin’. Now, this has been planned. I’ll help you, Mama. [Willie] What? Jep, you’re such a weenie. You should be more of a good son like me. Teacher’s pet. What about a sweet potato pie? I’m always in on sweet potato pie.
Good grief. The problem here is that my mom knows the power of her sweet potato pie. And she’s turned my helpers into Santa’s helpers. What just happened here? Christmas spirit. The Christmastime. Charlatans. You in, you in, you in? You got it, Miss Kay. I’m in. Y’all are so pathetic. They love sweet potato pie.
Here’s a sweet potato pie man right here. Why does it have to be today? Because the party’s tonight. Don’t you remember anything? I remembered. What? See? He didn’t remember. He’s just sayin’ that. You always have been smart. Who’s the weenie now? [Miss Kay] Phil, put your boots on let’s go.
What happened here? Never underestimate the power of a sweet potato pie. That’s true. I’m doin’ it for the sweet potato pie. That’s a sh0cker. [rapid banjo music] Jep, this is actually lookin’ pretty good. [Jep] It really is. Godwin? Hey. Gimme an extension cord. I’ma plug it in and I’ma see what’s workin’ and what’s not workin’. Here ya go.
[Godwin] Throw it careful, now he’ll drop it. I told ya he’d drop it. Plug it in. There ain’t no plug down here. There’s no plug? Redneck rule number one, most things can be fixed with extension cords and duct tape. [Godwin] We need another extension cord. I don’t have another extension cord.
You can’t p4nic in the face of adversity. Gimme some slack. No, that’s not gonna work. [Godwin] We don’t have enough slack! Because when God closes a door… He sometimes opens a window. [Godwin grunts] What you think? Godwin, what are you doing? I gotta put this plug through the winder so we can plug it in.
[Missy] You’re plugging it into the house? from out here? Yeah. We don’t have an outlet down here. Babe… It’s either put that one little cord in the window… Babe. That nobody’s gonna notice. Babe… Or it’s redo the whole light setup. Don’t leave it like that, please. All right. The power of women at Christmastime is the ultimate opponent.
Babe… There’s no sense f1ghtin’ it. No extension cord on the side of the house. We gotta turn this thing around. [Missy] All right, we’re gonna leave y’all to it. Good job. Oh, this gonna take all night. We shoulda went h.untin’. [holiday music playing] All right, Miss Kay, let’s get you a tree. [Miss Kay] Okay.
What about those right there? Well, they’re a little bit thin. What about that one? It looks more like a Charlie Brown tree with all them blank spaces there. When I’m lookin’ for a Christmas tree, it’s just gotta be perfect. It’s gotta be the right, uh, height. This one’s not even over here. It’s gotta have the right… fullness.
What about that one? It’s just too much… I mean, you know, like… that one. Huh? I just like that look. Let’s look at somethin’ else. These women, they’re funny. They’re funny about their trees. What about that one over here? No… What about this No. Say what? What about No. What about No. No.
Let me get over there where I can see it. Well… [sighs] after 50 years with the same woman you get used to hearing the word No. You know? You wanna keep lookin’? Hey, as long as she’s happy, I’m happy. I think we need to go to the Christmas tree farm. And buy one? Yeah. Buy one. Well, I’m not one to buy something I can find out in the wild.
Oh, crud. [Phil, laughing] Hey… However, If it makes Miss Kay say yes, break out the wallet and go buy the yuppie tree. [engine starts] Oh, we’ll get ya a tree. [Miss Kay] Whoa! All right, Miss Kay, here we go. When all else fails these days, we just buy ’em. [Miss Kay] That’s right. [holiday music plays] [g.unsh0t] This is gonna be the greatest redneck roof in the neighborhood.
We’ll see. [popping, shattering] Oh, dude! I hope they’re not one light wonders. All the lights have been turned around, per Missy’s request. All right, Jep. Hit me with it. There ya go. Only took a couple a hours. Who’s keepin’ track? Well, this better work. Voila. We shoulda gone deer h.untin’, boys. Ain’t that the truth? [car horn honks] [popping, shattering] [Willie] Whoa! Well, that was a disaster.
Ha ha ha. Whoa! Let me get a better look at this. I thought my day took a turn for the worse when my mom got me to hang Christmas lights. Now, Si, is that you jinglin’? But after seein’ Si and Willie… Them are my new boots. Oh, I got the best end outta this deal. Si, you look like a Vulcan with green slippers.
[Si] Hey, I’m proud to be Spock. Spock was the one that blew up the Death Star, boys. I told ya I got magical powers. He can k1ll a man with that Volkswagen death gr.i.p you know hey. Live long and prosper. All right, I’m goin’ inside. Are the girls inside? Yeah, they’re they’re cookin’ something.
I’m gonna help them out. Will, you wanna fly on up here… And help us get these lights done. [Bleep], I ain’t doin’ crap. I’m done. Huh? Fine. Leave me. I get it. Santa needs his milk and cookies. Santa’s back hurts. Hey, I’m with you, fat boy. Where’s your Christmas spirit? Hey, Santa is portly.
That that’s obvious. It’s gone. What happened to ho ho ho, Big Willie? [Phil] Miss Kay, you got plenty of choices. You find something that just sets your pants on fire, and let me know. Is this the most fun you’ve ever had in your life? I’m jumpin’ up and down here. I’d never been to a Christmas tree farm.
Christmas trees as far as the eye can see. They’re in rows, and they just go outta sight! [Miss Kay] Hey, what about this one? Isn’t this pretty? My woman has found happiness at last. They all look like the same thing to me. Well, that’s too short. Get over here. Is that eight foot? That’s pretty close.
I want it exactly eight foot. This would be beautiful in my house, wouldn’t it? I’ve never seen so many Christmas trees. And at first, they all looked perfect. Look, this was in there like a de@d thing. But then, the more I look at ’em… Ah! Look right here. It’s got a crooked limb. Won’t do. They’ve got some problems.
Now that is eight foot. Well, I like that one. I really do. Good night of livin’, she likes it, she says! [Christmas choir] Is that the one? [clicks tongue] Tch. It looks really good. Let me just think about it. Just a minute. Oh, yeah. [rapid ticking sound] You still thinkin’? Yeah. I’m thinkin’ on this side now.
[rapid ticking] Hmm. [Phil] She’s still thinkin’. [rapid ticking] Yep. Really? I think this is the one. Oh, my goodness. We have found her. So, after looking for what seemed like weeks… Rock ‘n’ roll. [engine whirs] We finally found the tree. Bingo. That was fast. Hallelujah. A Christmas miracle. Deck the halls with boughs of holly.
‘Cause I’m comin’ through with a Christmas tree. [bluesy rock plays] Will y’all quit shootin’ the butterflies? Hey! At least we’re done now. How long you think that took, Jase? Twice as long as it should have. There is nothin’ like seeing the light at the end of a very long tunnel. I’m tired. I bet we got a thousand lights up here.
And right now, it’s an oven light… illuminating sweet potato pies. Think she done with that pie yet? Never underestimate the power of sweet potato pies. Oh, she oughta like this. Well, if she don’t, what can you do? How’s it goin’? Well, we’re done. You oughta be happy. Jeb, I brought you some apple cider.
Thank you, Mama. What about me? [Godwin] What are we, chopped liver? [Miss Kay] He’s the baby. Baby? He’s got four kids. But he’s still the baby of this family. [slurping] Is that good? Mm hmm! Here… you can have some. That’s a trick I learned from watching Willie and Jase. Take a swig, brother.
It’s the old spittle move. First thing you do when you get food is spit all over it. That way, if you ever have to go up and do something and leave your plate there, you know it’s safe. You gotta mark your property around there. So how’s it comin’? The lights are fantastic. We’re finished.
Where’s the rest of ’em? That’s all we found. We emptied that box. Did you go to the outside shed? There’s a bunch more boxes down there. I wanted you to empty all them. Jason’s only got a few boxes from inside the house. He hadn’t even gotten to the storage shed where I have everything. You wouldn’t want me to bake half a sweet potato pie, would you? And if they’ve already spent this much time puttin’ up the lights, surely they can spend a little more.
[Godwin] I’m lettin’ y’all go first. I’m gonna wait right here. You need to go to a hoarding rehab center. They’re all out in California. I can’t go. When was the last time you was in here? When we built it. I better get a dozen sweet potato pies for this. [Miss Kay scoffs] Please! [upbeat steel guitar music] All right, grab that ladder, put that ladder up.
All right. If they want some lights, I’ll give her some lights. If Mom’s not happy with this, there’s nothin’ else I can do. You ready? Everyone out and prepare for glory. Finally, after all these hours, everything has come together. Here they come. We are this close… to the sweet potato pies.
I can almost taste ’em. Gather ’round. Come on, Mr. Elf. Welcome to the Robertson Christmas Light Show. And I want my sweet potato pies. I like ’em warn not cold, not hot. I know how you like ’em. Kay. So without further ado, I present to you… joy. Hmm. Says, “Oy.” It’s missing the J.
] I probably shoulda made a test run before bringing everybody out here. Jase, this looks like crap. “Oy” basically describes what I’ve gone through about the last ten hours. Don’t p4nic. There’s more. Hmm. There’s more. I give you… more joy. Hey! Wow! You’re gettin’ there. Stay with it! Ready for it? Wait on him.
Aw, he’s cute, babe. He’s cute. Bam! All right, let’s go eat. No, hey. Ho ho ho hold! Where’s your Christmas spirit? I’m building this into a “cressendo” for Mom. What does that mean? That means like this is the grand finale. Okay. Now we’re talkin’. He’s fixing to blow something up I give you…
Christmas… magic! Boom! Whoa! Wow! Wow! Huh? Look at that! Wow. Yay! Wow! The best Christmas ever! Even after seeing how happy my mom was, I haven’t changed my mind on decorations. Jase, that’s my truck. Isn’t it awesome? But… I love it. ItDeckin’ out Willie’s truck… that made it all worth it. Ho, ho, ho! You’re takin’ all that off. You’re welcome, Willie. Merry Christmas.
