Duck Dynasty: The Best of Uncle Si *Compilation* His Wildest and Funniest Moments
WILLIE: You know, the ancient Hawaiians came here to really heal themselves spiritually, physically, and mentally. SADIE: How do you know that? WILLIE: Vaya con dios, brah. SADIE: What? It’s been a lifelong dream of mine to learn how to surf, ever since I saw the movie “Point Break.” Hey, look here. I didn’t watch “Point Break” every day in ’99 for nothing.
Keanu Reeves’s acting is flawless. Hey, Utah, two. I am an FBI agent. I am Ted Theodore Logan. I caught my first tube today, sir. And we are Wild Stallions. You’re saying the FBI is going to pay me to learn to surf? Cool. How many of you guys are going surfing today? Eight of us. Eight, all right. We have enough boards for you.
Actually I think we’re just going to go– we were talking. We’re just going to go– John Luke– We’re going to go scout it out. Scout what out? This– well, I mean, we’re just going to walk. Is this about meeting girls? I mean, if we meet girls– Just say you want to go meet some girls. I want to go meet some girls.
You finally got it out. Fine, go meet girls. We’re going to surf. Yes, sir. OK, guys. Let’s get you the right gear, and we’ll start your lesson. WILLIE: All right. All right? JOHN LUKE: We’re just going to go walk down the beach. All right, I want you to be totally positive. Don’t think about the sharks. Here we go.
Here we go. SI: All right. Go for it, Sadie. Go for it. Get on up. Get on up. There you go. WILLIE: Lookie here. SI: All right, lookie here. All right. Wow. SI: Hey, that wasn’t bad. WILLIE: It really wasn’t. Hey, that was all right. WILLIE: That ain’t nothing. She’s making it look a lot easier, because she’s athletic.
WILLIE: Hey, where do you think she got that from, son? JASE: Korie. Hey, if she can do this, I can do this. I got it. OK. WILLIE: Later, dudes. I don’t know how he’s going to be able to pull this off. But I will guarantee you something will be pulled. You got this, Willie. Oh, he’s going to die. All right, my rule of thumb is I’ll only allow myself to fall four times while doing anything.
Here comes Willie. There he goes. Anything more than that. you’re just being an idiot. Woah! Ow! Oh– Woah! Oh– OK, six. Six times, and that’s it. JASE: Uh oh. Ease up! Ah! Boom! He’s down! SI: Hey, I’m ready to try this. I’m serious. That looks fun. I’m out of here. All right. Good luck with it. Go get him, Si! Back in ‘Nam, I was the surfing king.
I could hang ten, hang loose, shred a wave, walk the plank, high-five. I would pull the most awesome roundhouse cut back and blast down the line. It was totally gnarly. JASE: Go, Si! Oh, man. Si just bit it. Hey, I was a little worried at first, OK? But hey, it all started coming back to me. Hey, and for Willie, everything came back up.
JASE: Look at Willie. He’s beaten and battered. Yeah, he barfed. JASE: He just looks like a whipped swamp donkey. Willie, your itinerary’s not doing you much good now, is it? Willie took a beating. After he gets past the sore muscles, projectile vomiting, nausea, dizziness, he’ll be out in a couple of days. What’s next on the itinerary? Hey, I feel like I’m 20 years old again.
Cowabunga! Look at this. Wow. Tree fell. What are the odds of that? That tree fell right where I sit. Boys, I was almost a goner. Huh? Yeah. I beat you like a pancake, boys. Phew, that’d be one tough pancake. These boys don’t understand. When I seen that crushed duck blind, I saw my whole life flashed before my very eyes.
That ain’t a laughing matter, I’m serious. [chuckles] Nah, I mean– From the time I was an itty-bitty baby, to present time– [finger snap] that quick. If a tree fell and you ain’t there see it, I almost die. That don’t make sense. It’s one them paradockers. A pair a what? Pair of Dockers? I thought you hated Dockers.
Look, I’m trying to make a point here. I could have been dead. Look, I’m no spring chicken anymore. Si, you never thought about dying before? No, what are you talking about? I’m more like a fall chicken. You had a heart attack. So? You want to Nam. So? And you’re approaching 70. So? Aye, and winter is coming. Look, before you know it, I might even be a fried chicken.
Si, you probably would have lived over that. Si! [finger snaps] I ain’t feeling too good, boys. I– I’m going to try to take a nap or something. I don’t know if I can, though. I got a lot on my mind. Si, are you still worried about that tree? You wasn’t even there when it fell. Yeah, but if I had been sitting there, I’d have been crushed to death.
Well it only missed you by 20 miles. When you have a brush with death, OK– I was in a coma for five days. –it kind of makes you think about things. – OK. – Five days. On death’s door? Moving along, I got to thinking about all the things I want to do. Bucket list, here we go. So I made my dream list. Bucket list.
OK, but look, time’s running out. You made a bucket list. You put all the stuff in the bucket. (YELLING) Hey! You idiot. Ain’t no bucket. All right. – Knucklehead. – All right, well let’s hear it. No reason to yell about, though. All right, let’s hear it. Look, there are plenty of people in this world who could use a good jump start in their life.
Si is not one of them. First thing I want to do, be voted most valuable player in the Little League World Series. [music stops] You’re 70 years old! Why’d y’all laugh? That was not funny. He’s been seizing the day ever since I’ve known him. Oh, here’s a good one. Date with Wonder Woman. Good grief. Drive a race car, judge a Miss America contest, play fetch with Air Bud.
Si, he’s not real. Ride a bull for eight seconds. You’re going to die. Become a world famous doctor like George Clooney, hm? Here’s a biggie, cure hemorrhoids. Eat at a hibachi restaurant. So far you got one that we can do. OK. We’re talking about a man who makes napalm in his kitchen sink for funzies. Then– then– then– then– pick up [inaudible] Cheetos– oh, good grief.
Hold it. What? That’s my grocery list for Tristan. I got to grab her some Cheetos. I wouldn’t normally entertain insanity, but Si is going to do this bucket list, and we’re going to have to watch over him and make sure that somebody doesn’t get hurt. And by somebody, I mean Si. Fly in a balloon chair.
Balloon chair? Yeah, like in the movie “Up.” “Up.” You mean the movie, “Up.” It’s not like “ET.” I kind of liked the hibachi grill idea. I’ll go with him, man. There is a hibachi restaurant a mile down the road. What? Here in Monroe? Yeah. Yeah, it’s good, too. I’d say we go do the hibachi tomorrow and figure the rest out later.
I like that guy that he comes out doing the– [imitating hibachi chef] Ha! Hibachi! Si, you ever used these before? Why would I use chopsticks? You were in Vietnam, Si. K, I used my fingers. Ew. Here comes our man. – Here we go, boys. – Yeah! Hey chef, how are you doing today? Hey, we doing good. All right, now we’re going.
[utensils rattling] Hey! Hai! Wow. All right, [speaking japanese].. Wow. See how fast that guy’s hand is. Ooh! Can you imagine him with a throwing star? I was pretty surprised that Si had never been to this hibachi restaurant. – Watch out for your head. – Oh! Watch out, boy there we go. Woo! [remarks of amazement] This is a paradise for rednecks.
All right, here we go. That’s a smiley face. A little happy face, all right. Here we go. [remarks of amazement] Hey! Ho! – Watch the beard. – Hey. – Check the beard. – All right! All right, boys. Just look at Godwin. He can hardly contain himself. [utensil clanging] – Oi! Hey! (IN UNISON) Ohh! Do it again.
And there’s a lot to contain. Hey! Oi! [remarks of surprise] My hat. [remarks of amazement] All right. Hey, where’d you get that neat hat? Because I chef. I got the chef– For a chef? Yeah. Look, that’s the next thing on my bucket list, boys. I’ve just added it to it. I want to be a hibachi chef, and get one of them hats if I can.
You want to be chef today? Yeah, I want to be a chef. All right! – No, no, no, no– – No! – Yeah. – Hey. Hey, look. I admit it. I’m not a chef, but hey, this hibachi thing, it’s a little different. I need a hat. All right. Gift you. Hey do you have insurance here? You need my knife, bro. Oh, no, no, no.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. All right, yeah. [inaudible]. It’s all about the show, boys. What are you– [utensils clanging] – Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. – Hey, stop. – Hey. – Stop. Now I got your attention. We might ought to make our bucket list right now. Look, you’ve got to keep the guests on their toes.
Razzle and dazzle them, boys. Yeah, think that’ll work. Uh oh. [splatter] (IN UNISON) Whoa! Hey! OK! All right, yeah. All right. Get the shells out. No, I rough it, boys. Rough it. I could care less what you want to feed them, as long as they’re entertained Ah, hey! Here we go, hey! (IN UNISON) Oh! Whoa! All right.
Look, boys, perfect. Ah, that’s not rare, that’s raw. – You ready, Jay? – Hey! – That’s raw! – How much? All right. Here you go, buddy. And if they don’t like the food, too bad, OK? They got to eat it anyway. It’s the polite thing to do. All right, boys. Check. That one’s done. What’s next on the list? Astronaut.
Eh, what’s after that? Well, bull riding, I guess. Let’s do that. Have you ever ridden a mechanical bull? No! You’re welcome. Hey, Si, you better be careful. Even them fake ones will hurt you, now. What are you talking about? Hey, I’ll jump on top of that circle. I can grab hold– hiya, hiya! I probably even just go ahead and keep my tea with me.
Some of the items on Si’s bucket list are just plain out dangerous. (SHOUTING) Going to ride! Go ahead, son, give it to me! Is that the best you’ve got? You all want to ride the bull? Do I want to ride that bull? Well of course I want to ride that bull. I’m all for Si completing his bucket list. I just don’t want him to kick the bucket.
Step right up, sir. Uh oh. All right. Low. So what we’re really trying to do here is protect Si from Si. – Ow! – Oh! All right, boys. – [inaudible] – There he goes. Guy! Come here, you big sucker. Time to [inaudible] home. Kick it up the level. Let’s go. Here we go. [buzzer sounds] Here we go. [slow-motion voicing] I love summer! Oh! Oh! Hey, hey! Hey! Ho! Whoa, ho, hey! Hey! Good grief! Is this is in slow motion? Hey, ride or die! All right, turn this puppy off.
[buzzer sounds] That’s it? Guh. Uh oh. That was a fine ride, sir. Fine ride. Good job, Si. All right. Well you rode the bull and lived to tell about it. Next thing, astronaut, boys! We got something else for you. Yeah, we go. Now, get your tea, and let’s get out of here. What do you think? I ain’t going up in that! It was on your bucket list! What I was thinking about was a few balloons tied to an old rickety chair.
It’s a basket! Tied to a big balloon. It looks like a big snow cone. What’s the worst thing that could happen? I could die. [balloon fires up] Look, boys, I didn’t have dying on my bucket list. I dare you to do. Do it, Si! That’s it, boys, don’t ever dare me. All right, boys. Hey, look. I would rather die doing something dangerous than live my whole life as a chicken.
No list. If I die, I will come back and haunt you. Plus, I will make one heck of a scaredy ghost. [pretend laughing] Yeah, I’m telling. All right, boys. I’m fit to go where no man has gone before! Up! Bon voyage! I’ll admit it. I thought Si was overreacting when he started talking about all this bucket list stuff.
Oh, this is cool, boys– whoa! (IN UNISON) Oh! But hearing his screams of joy as this balloon lifted him in the air, it’s made it all worth it. Oh, we going up, up, up and away! We did a good thing for the old man. The only problem is there are a lot more things on this bucket list to do. [inaudible]! Oh no, my bucket list! It’s gone.
Good riddance! Problem solved. [music stop] I’m the king of the world, boys! Uh oh. Y’all are looking like ants. Except for you, Godwin. GODWIN: Here we go. JASE: I’m fixing to prove a point to y’all. Mm-hmm. What in the world? You win a free camper for some donuts? GODWIN: It’s been there all week.
You want to sell some donuts? You back a camper in there and give it away. There’ll be rednecks come out of rocks, caves, and mountaintops to eat your donuts. Looky here, win a camper. Is that for real? That’s for real. The drawing is today. We’ll even deliver it. This is redneck society at its finest. Well, hey, what we really want to know is, do you have hot donuts? I’ll have you some in 10 minutes, maybe.
10 minutes? Oh! What on earth could you be doing where you couldn’t wait 10 minutes for some hot donuts? If they say one hour, you say, I’ll wait all day. Look here, if they’re hot, I’ll eat more than all of three of y’all. What are you talking about? Hot or cold, I’ll eat more than you, Si. Hey, I got 20 bucks that says I’ll eat more donuts than all three of you boys.
I’ll take that bet. I’m in on that. Here you go right there. There ain’t no way he can eat more than I can. We’ll start off with a dozen apiece and go from there. GODWIN: Open us a tab. Oh, yeah. You wouldn’t think looking at me, at my physique, but, hey, look, I’m like a small nuclear plant. That’s just my potabulism, OK? Boys, hey, I should have just went ahead and put the $80 in my pocket, cause I’m gonna win it.
Si, you ain’t gonna win, Si. You’re too skinny. Mm-hmm, run your mouth. Go ahead. I’m gonna come in number one. You ain’t even going to come in second. Look here, you boys are in for a world of hurt. I just picked them up off the glazer. Oh, yeah. Well, let’s go with it. Ready, set, go. Here we go. Ooh, they are hot.
Good night. Oh, that’s good right there. GODWIN: It’s the best donut I’ve had today. Looks like y’all are doing pretty good. I’m going to check on the next batch for y’all. Oh, yeah. The eating contest begins. Three gone. I look around. Godwin is inhaling one right after another. Martin is over there sucking down chocolate milk just to keep them down.
And Si looks as cool as a cucumber, slow and steady, just sup, sup, sup, sup, sup. That’s when I realized– Oh, yeah. –I have met my match. I have to admit, I may be in trouble. I’m about to die. Hey, boys, I’m just getting started. This just an appetizer. Where you putting them things, in your pocket? No. Hey, look here, you boys are a bunch of pansies.
I’m on 22. Where are you at, Si? I’m going 29. I could do this in my sleep. You know, hey, thinking about that, hey, I could use a good nap. This is number 32. I’m going to bow out at 27. That’s all I got. Yeah. I can’t do it. I’m done. You boys crying uncle? It ain’t worth $20 for me to go puke my guts up. All right, boys.
You won, Si. Congratulations. SI: I beat that contest. Now, I’m fixing to win that camper. Where’s that lady at? Huh? Look here, with this 80 bucks, I’m fixing to parfait this into some serious cash. Hey, let me get 80 of them tickets for Silas Robertson. I’m fixing to win that sucker. It’s either bet big or go the house, Jack.
Oh, let’s get out of here. WOMAN: Y’all want some donuts to take with y’all? GODWIN: Not a chance. JASE: They were good. Do you have any 10s? Nope, go fish. You got any aces? I’m not playing with you if you keep doing this. You need to work on your poker face, OK? Oh! What a sweet kitty. Oh, that cat’s been acting weird lately.
Really? Yeah. He’s staying out all hours, and look, he come back the other day and he had spaghetti all over his face. Well, he found some spaghetti– No. –who cares? My dogs go out and find stuff, too, to eat. He’s got a home. He don’t need to be going out to another one. Me and Sweet Pea, hey, look, we’re like two peas in a pod.
We’re both like, you know, take naps, OK? We both like fried crawfish, all right? And then we both land on our feet if you drop us off of the roof. Maybe it’s like “Lady and the Tramp.” I ain’t gonna put up with no hanky-pankys. And they’re going to a little alley, and there’s an Italian restaurant. Oh, yeah, I bet there is.
Look, but lately, my little napping buddy has turned into a two-timing heifer on me. [meow] Purring like he’s met the love of his life. [purrs] Have you ever thought about following Sweet Pea and see where he goes? You want me to stalk my cat is what you’re saying? That’s right– pet detective. Like Jesse Ventura? I think it was Ace Ventura.
Jesse Ventura was a– a mayor of some California town. He was a wrestler! Well, all I know is he got killed by the predator. That is weird. It is weird. So where’d Sweet Pea go? Hey, no need for Jesse Ventura. I got Sweet Pea under house arrest, Kay, and I’ll probably put a chain and ball on him, too. Si– What? –that door is open.
Gah! I left it open. Good grief! Si, we’ve got to follow him and see where he’s going. Right, he’s living a double life on me. Would you want me to call Phil? He’s a tracker. No, Phil don’t even like cats. I know the perfect person. He’s a tracker and a notary public. I don’t know where that cat is. Ain’t no telling where that idiot’s at.
Goodness. What’s Mountain Man doing here? That’s who I called, Kay. I hope that’s not a mistake. Hey! What seems to be the problem here? Well, Mountain Man, is a case of infidelity. He’s went off with another woman. Infidelity? He’s got a girlfriend. What about Christine? No, Mountain Man, you don’t understand it, OK? It’s about my cat.
Named Sweet Pea! He won’t– that’s right– he won’t stay at home. OK, well, let me take a look around here and see what I can see. Well, hey, he’s one tricky cat now. I’m telling you, you better bring your A game. He left the door open. You left the door open? Well, hey, look. Was you trying to get rid of the cat? No, I ain’t trying to get rid of him– He’s just getting old! –trying to do something with him.
OK, well, he’s somewhere around here, I’d imagine. Wow. Mhm. All right, look, Mountain Man, he’s like a redneck pocket knife. He’s good for all sorts of jobs. He’s also old, rusty, and dull as a [inaudible].. Smells like a cat. But you could call him an idiot trevante because he’s got tracking abilities. Hey, I just like to call him Mountain Man though.
It looks like he’s headed that way, too. Should we take a picture of that? [sniffing] Mountain Man on his knees? No! Gah, I don’t think so. No, of that track, and make sure. I can’t see no track, Kay. Well, they’re headed that way and they smell fresh. They’re going straight that-a-way. They headed that way and they smell fresh, Kay.
Did you get that? They smell fresh. Through here. Mhm, he’s going through here. This is like Scooby-Doo. Yeah, this is like Scooby-Doo all right. Go ahead there, Shaggy! Mhm. Si, I feel like I’m on a wild goose chase. Except I don’t see any geese or gooses around here, Kay. Well, a wild cat chase, then.
Well, hey. Mountain Man, what are you doing? I think she’s in there. Hey, it’s not a she, it’s a he. OK. Put those binoculars away. You’re being a creep. Hadn’t you heard about the castle rule? That’s his castle. He’s got a right to shoot you! All right, all right. I’ve had it with the cat. Come on, let’s go to the house.
I’ve had all I can stand of this lost cat for one day. Come on, Shaggy! Hey, look, I can’t believe I’ve wasted three hours looking for that stupid cat. Hey! There she is! That is a he. OK. Where did you get this toy? Look, this is the perfect example that felines are just like women. Well, that’ll be $5 for the tracking please, Si.
$5! Look, every once in a while you’re reminded, hey, don’t waste your time trying to figure them out. You big, fat rascal you. You ain’t worth two cents. Look, just be happy with the time you get to spend with them. At least you don’t have to, you know, spend time with Mountain Man. $5! You know what, Sweet Pea’s home, she’s well, she’s happy.
It’s not a she, Kay, it’s a he! You got to admit, Sweet Pea is a little girl’s name. MAN: You want to go double or nothing? MAN: All right. Just give me a five. [inaudible] That’s 25. Boys, what am I doing over here working my tail off while you boys are playing dominoes? Si, it’s because you are the reed man.
Once you make the reeds, we make the duck calls. Y’all ain’t got a clue how much I hate these reeds. Well, when you just do something like I’ve been doing these reeds over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over, hey, that will make a man snap like a twig. Did y’all see my tea glass? That’s 10.
Did y’all see my tea glass? Go ahead, give me 10. That’s 10. It’s hot, I’m getting thirsty. Which one of you idiots [inaudible] my tea glass? Give me a five. Everybody talking at the same time– SI: I know one of these knuckleheads has got my tea glass. It might take me a while, but I’m gonna get to the bottom of it.
[inaudible] Good night! Hey– boy, y’all [inaudible] the tea glass? Thanks a lot, Marty. Hey! Aw! Tea glass. Hey! – Hey! – It’s hot– – Play! – Tea glass– – Whoo! – Hey! Yes! Hey! I didn’t [inaudible] anything. What? [inaudible] Where’s the darn tea glass at? Si, we don’t have your tea glass. Si, your tea cup is not only disgusting, but I would rather play patty-cake with a dead mouse than touch your teacup.
One of you idiots is bound to got it. It ain’t over here where I had it. Si, we’re busy. I’m like Aretha Franklin– I don’t get no around this joint. I’m about to just, you know, go berserk on you boys. No, boys, hey, I tell you what– Here’s the whole deal, boys. [inaudible] You know, it’s all this, ha, ha, ha– Si, we’re just– –everything’s funny, and a joke with y’all, OK? We’re just kidding! Homie don’t play that.
Hey! Y’all frame them babies, because hey, it’s the last one this cat’s doing. I’m out of here like a [inaudible] tornado, boys. Hey, I quit. I think he really just quit. So we might as well finish this game. Well, I’m gonna finish the game. MAN: He didn’t even turn in a two weeks’ notice. Hey, did y’all finish them duck pickers? No, we’ve run into a problem.
Shocker. Si cut out. Huh? Si quit. He quit what? He quit his job. Go tell him to come back. Si cracks up and loses it about every month. It’s fine. Usually, if you just let him sit a while, he’ll forget why he quit in the first place. You’re not getting what I’m telling you. He really quit. He’s gone! What did you say to him? Nothing that I hadn’t said 10 times before.
I think– hey, I’m telling you, I think the strain was more than he could bear. You wait till he needs that paycheck, he gonna be right back up here. Oh, I know. That’s why the first thing I did is, I told Linda to take him off the payroll. Get some of that! Jase! Jack! You don’t take people off the payroll. I make those decisions.
Well, what are you going to do? The first thing I’m going to do is take him off the payroll. I just took care of it. Second thing I’m going to do is tell you to go back here and get them duck calls made. That’s what we’re doing. That’s what I say you’re doing. All right. At any moment Reed’s proposing to Brighton.
But I had the perfect idea for what he should do. – It ain’t what you done, is it? – No. OK, good. It’s kind of taking what I did and making it better. Oh, good grief. ‘Cause I realize where I could have made it better. While my proposal had many great qualities– I took the ring, I buried it in a little potted plant.
That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of. –it was not the most romantic proposal possible. Mine was not good either. JASE: My engagement story was awesome. We’re at mom and dad’s, and we’re sitting there laying on the bed. And I was just like, why don’t we just get married, like, tomorrow? So she was like, all right.
That’s it? Hey, there you go. There’s a man who knows what to do. You like that? SI: You wanna marry me? Short, sweet, to the point. But after hearing these guys and their less-than-stellar proposals– I took Paula squirrel hunting. –I have the greatest proposal in this Duck Call room. Me and the woman went to a restaurant.
I said, hey, we gonna get hitched or not? You know? And she said, nah. Eight hours later, she finally said yes. JASE: Eight hours later? SI: Yeah. Was this a proposal or was this an interrogation? It’s a shock that any of these guys are married. Women want an innovator. They want a pi– – Pirate? No. They want a pioneer.
SI: Hey, speaking about that, you guys got an innovator right here with y’all. What in the world? What is that? SI: I ain’t quite got the band worked out on yet, boys. Yeah. Camouflage your beard. JEP: You’ve snapped. – I what? Done. You’re done here. He gone. SI: Nah, I ain’t done. I got a meeting at 3:00 with Willie.
Willie’s not gonna like that. – Sure he’ll like it. – No he’s not. Did you buy that t-shirt? Look, to make an omelet, you gotta crack an egg. I’ll told you, I’m an innovator. Dad, do you know anything about bell curves? Well, there’s a certain curve in business that will curve. Somehow it curves. So since you’re so good at business, my teacher said that if we get a local business person to come speak in class, then we get extra credit.
And that would be awesome, because I really need it. When do they want me to come? Tonight. Sadie, why don’t you give me a little heads up here? Yeah, but– Y’all need to take a class on scheduling. Business 101, set up a schedule. Willie, we still good for our 3:30? Can we do it tomorrow? You had a meeting with me scheduled.
You just said scheduling is, like, key to business. SI: Yeah. – Si– SI: Come on. Bring ’em in. WILLIE: Why is Godwin in my office? Why is he setting up an easel? That’s part of the presentation. I don’t have time to hear– Have you ever wondered why, when we’re duck hunting, I’m not killing much? I think it’s kind of obvious.
You can’t shoot. You can’t see. SI: Nah. It ain’t that. Look– – You can’t hear. Just to help the sales pitch, OK, it works better when you say, yes. Well, that’s not a sales pitch. Look, the answer is yes. If you’re giving a sales pitch, you can’t tell me what to say. Have you ever wondered why I’m not killing any ducks when we’re duck hunting? Si, I never think about that.
I knew you was wondering. Si– The reason is they’re seeing this white beard. I’m sure it is. Look, turn my sign around. GODWIN: Dun-dun-dun-dun! Beard-a-flage. Beard-a-flage. [upbeat music] Hey, like many geniuses, OK, my brilliance is underappreciated. Willie’s never jumped on board about any of my ideas in the past.
Help me help you make some big money. Si– Every time I touch this, all I hear is cha-ching, cha-ching, cha-ching. Look, I’ve pitched plenty of brilliant ideas. For example, Pitch “Purrfect.” He taped a microphone to his cat. And who can forget Parmesan Wayne? Parmesan Wayne? It was a cheese grater shaped like a cowboy.
All right, actually, that’s kind of a good idea. The Hey-K 47. The Hey-K 47 was supposed to fire any time you said, hey. Hey! [imitates gunfire] I mean, if Fat Albert came on TV, everyone would have to duck for cover. Hey– WILLIE: Do you want my opinion? Hit me with it. It’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.
SI: You’re not thinking this through. I didn’t tell you the best part. You know what this is made out of? You better not have cut up one of our shirts to do that. One of them? Nah, look, this was the prototype. It took me 10. Are you kidding? Look, you got a warehouse full of free t-shirts. They’re not free t-shirts.
I buy them. Look, we’re gonna make a bunch of money on this. It takes money to make money. Godwin– It takes money to make money. You should say that tonight. Do not forget that. – Why? What do y’all got going on tonight? – Nothing. – It’s a thing for my class. Sadie– We’re supposed to get a businessman to come in, and so Dad’s doing our business for it.
– Oh, he’s doing the lecture? – Yeah. – Sadie! – I’ll be there. Never tell him any future plans that you have. SI: Well, look, I’m trying to start a business here. So, hey, I might learn something from what you got to say. Never tell him where you’re going. Yeah, I’ll be there. WILLIE: All right. Thank you. I’m not interested.
SI: Come on, Godwin. We gotta go do work on some more shirts. Do not cut anymore of my t-shirts. SI: Hey, I’ll see you tonight at the business class. I might actually learn something. Hey, guys. I’m Willie Robertson, and it’s an honor to be invited to come back and share a little wisdom with you about business.
One of the most important things about business is actually selling a product. So do I have any volunteers to sell me something? Sadie, thank you, come on down. OK. WILLIE: Sadie, I have here an eraser. OK. Why do I need that eraser? It’s durable. It’s affordable. And it’s the best eraser you will ever come across.
I just don’t think I need that eraser. OK. Nah, nah, nah, nah. Do not take no for an answer. You’re gonna refuse to hear no. OK. Actually, new data suggests that the time spent trying to change a no to a yes can actually equate to a sizable opportunity cost. Look, it turns out ol’ Willie’s wasting everybody’s time, all right.
But, hey, yours truly– I’m fixing to fix that. Somebody’s been googling stuff. I don’t think that I agree with that. Si, what are you doing up here? Do you want to buy this eraser? I don’t know. Let me see it. Yeah, I do. – Si– I need this eraser. Hey, I’m fixing to give these students a real life lesson in sales.
And I’m not gonna take no for an answer, unless the question is, has there ever been a better product than Beard-a-flage? And the answer to that is, no! Si, I’m the teacher, and I’m telling you– Actually, I’m the teacher. And let’s hear him out. What we need is Beard-a-flage. I’m going to sit down. Si, nobody wants to hear this stupid idea.
– Yeah, they do. – Hello, students. My name is Si Robertson. I’m an inventor. He’s got the entrepreneurial spirit. And look, I’m looking for investors to invest in my Beard-a-flage. And if anybody wants to buy this one, look, $39.95. Si? ‘Cause, look, I’ve got a warehouse full of t-shirts. I can make another prototype.
WILLIE: Si! What? You do not have a warehouse full of t-shirts. Oh, sure I do. Here. There’s 20 bucks. I just bought this. We’re done. You can sit down. All right, all right. Thank you. All right, are there any more questions? Si? How do you manufacture 1,000 of just what I just sold you? Oh! Whoa, that cold! Willie, I’m gonna give you one more chance to come on board with me.
All right, I’ll give you $100, but I want 51% of the company. You’ve lost your mind. I can’t give up that much equity. Sadie, you want to buy in? That doesn’t really apply to me though. I can’t. Yeah, but look, I’m gonna make women, you know, hey. You just said, I’m gonna make women hey. OK I’ll do $101 for 51%.
SI: Boy, the lemons don’t fall far from the tree. Deal’s off! I’ll just keep my company. And, hey, when I’m a millionaire, y’all can borrow money from me. All right, Willie. Let me get you set up. You just speak right in that. One, one, one, one, one. SI ROBERTSON: One. Sounding like a fart. I’ve been looking forward to this for a while.
This is Willie Robertson. When I was asked to be on the show, I took it as an honor. All right, Willie. You ready to do this? All right, I’m ready. MOUNTAIN MAN: You ready? Yep. All right, let’s let her rip, potato chip. Don’t say anything. Willie, it’s a radio show and you want me to be quiet? I’d say that, we’re on the air.
[slurps] Boring. MOUNTAIN MAN: And we’re back with Willie Robertson, of the Duck Commander. How you doing, Mountain Man? It’s good to be here. Doing great, Willie. It’s good to have you on the show today. If anybody wants to call in and talk to Willie or Si, y’all give us a call. It’s just me. He’s just here. Hey, Mountain Man, we got a call on line one for you.
Z Country, this is “The Mountain Man Show.” MAN 1 (ON PHONE): Hey, yeah, I’ve got a question for Willie. What was your best hunting season? Probably hands down, like, four years ago. SI ROBERTSON: Hey, I remember the time me and him went, and hey, we didn’t kill any ducks, and he cried. That’s not true. Sure it is! Hey, it’s radio.
It’s like NASCAR or figure skating. They only watch it to see the crash. Willie was 19 years old. That’s a lie. Maybe my eyes were watering. No. You have to give the audience what they want. And look, I’m giving them what they want. We’re not here to talk about me crying. I wasn’t crying. There was no crying. There was no crying.
Gee, Willie. MAN 1 (ON PHONE): The caller’s still on the phone. Now he thinks you’re a crybaby, I reckon. Did I just get zinged by Mountain Man? MOUNTAIN MAN: Well, it looks like we got another caller on line two here. How can I help you today? MAN 2 (ON PHONE): I have a question for Si. That’s what I’m talking about.
MAN 2 (ON PHONE): OK, do you have any other good Willie stories? SI ROBERTSON: Oh yeah. Yeah. He– one time he got so mad, he threw a shotgun in the water. WILLIE ROBERTSON: I’m going to kill him. Hey. He’s telling lies to tons and– probably 200 people in West Monroe. You’ve never met a president. Yeah, I have.
He gave me a medal. And he’s hijacking my segment. This is my reputation that’s on the line. One time, we put blanks in his shotgun. What is the deal with this show? This is a dream. That’s the only explanation. Godwin, is that you? Next caller. [dial tone] There’s no way things have gotten this bad, this fast, in real life.
This has nothing to do with the outdoors. Hey, are we going to talk hunting, or what? Do you ever get any hunting done? [phone ringing] What is the deal here? Looks like we got another caller here. MAN 3 (ON PHONE): Hey, Willie. I know ducks are your main thing. When it’s not duck season, like, what’s your favorite hunt? Oh, that’s a great question.
I really like going after feral hogs. Get your bow out– Hey, I’ve seen you shoot a bow for the last four or five years. You just ain’t a bow man. You’re crazy, dude. I’m straight up “Hunger Games” with a bow. Hey, if you go hunting with a bow, you’re going to go hungry. [dings bell] Did you steal that? Well, that’s about all the time we have for today.
Y’all be sure to tune in next week for “The Mountain Man Show,” and see y’all then. SI ROBERTSON: Si Robertson, out. [dings bell] WILLIE ROBERTSON: You’re a disgrace to radio.
