5 Duck Dynasty Animal & Vehicle Hijinks to Show Someone With No Context
I have always wanted goats. In my opinion, you’re not a proper woman if you don’t have a goat or two. I really really want a goat. You don’t even have a fence. Well, you can build a pen. Okay, how much longer? We got to get out of here. I’m not leaving here without a goat. I’m serious.
Okay, if I get you a goat, can we just leave? Yeah, but more than one, of course. Are these goats for sale? Well, I don’t know about that. you $100. $100 wouldn’t buy the horns off of one of them. I’ll take $1,000 and you carry them with you. They’ll fit just right in the back of your Escalade. Well, it’s just a car. That’s a $70,000 car.
I’m not putting goats in the back of it. I want the goats. They’re in the back. Okay, this is the dumbest idea you ever had. But once we get them home, they’ll be fine. Okay, don’t let those goats crap back there. Crap crap crap crap. Everywhere. It’s just like a gum machine with poop in it. They’re crapping everywhere.
I hate to tell you that. These goats, they’re like four-legged devils. I mean, they’re peeing, they’re pooping, they’re doing everything they can do to destroy this car. Hey, GET IN BACK. I CAN’T DRIVE. THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I DIDN’T want to get these goats. Yep. Well, those goats are driving me crazy. I told you not to buy them.
You got to come take care of them. You know, I can get a pen built, okay? Mom, I can’t come get those goats. Now, hurry up because I’ve got things to cook, okay? I love you. Bye. I Good, you’re here. You would not believe what happened. Okay, these goats are fine. No, they ate my azaleas and they’re tearing up everything.
They even got the kids’ baby doll. You got to take them today because they’re going to get eaten. Just keep them temporary till we get a pen built. Okay, I did not sign up for this. This is part of the family business. No, this ain’t part of the family business. Yes, it’s my business and you’re my son. What am I supposed to do with a bunch of goats? This ain’t Goat Commander.
I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do with these things. Well, you’ll figure it out. You’re smart. There they go. Say bye, goats. Corey, it was not my idea. I put them in Will’s bathroom. It’s the perfect place. They’re in there. They’re doing goat stuff. They poop in there. They can pee in there. They can drink out of the toilet.
They’re like harmless. Yeah. No, they’re Yeah. I’m going to have it worked out by the time you get back tomorrow. Let me call you back. All right, bye-bye. No, no, no, no, no. Oh, no. Whoop. No, no, no, no. Sons of Satan, come on. Oh, you pooped all over the floor. Come on. Come on. Morning, Willie. Hey, Lyn. Jase.
Jase. This is exactly why I didn’t want to give Jason an office in the first place. I mean, when it comes to this company, Jase could care less. I’m going hunting, y’all figure it out. But then again, sometimes Jase’s absence is better than his presence. Come over to the office. Yeah, bring the truck. Load this sucker up and get it out of here.
Ain’t Ain’t to be mad? I could care less if he’s mad. He’s right. Jason’s been great his whole life at coming up with stupid plans, and I’ve become even better at totally dismantling them. Let’s let it rip, tater chip. And yep, there goes the COO. Oh, my. You know what my hobby is? Pissing Jace off. Easy. What about it? About time you showed up.
There was a building here, and it’s gone. It’s like it vanished. Where’s my office? Something happened to it? You demolished it? I relocated it. Where did you move it? Come on. I’ll show you. What are you showing? Remember I told you about those goats? Just wait. Are you kidding me? What do you think? That’s my office.
It was your office. Now, it’s Mr. Doodoo and Hershey Kisses office. There you go. Do you think this is funny? This is stupid. I cannot believe you would do this. Right on your desk. That’s two of your coworkers now. You got my duck calls laying all over the darn floor. Plus, it’s got goat pee on it. I just killed two birds with one stone.
Kay gets her goat pen, and Jace doesn’t have to talk to his stuffed beaver anymore. You can blow duck calls as loud as you want, and you got company. Oh, I have somebody to talk to. My frog. Where did my frog It’s one thing to mess with my office, but it’s another thing to mess with my frog. I had bonded with that frog.
We had become best friends. Hey, hey. There we go. Look, that’s the enemy right there. Oh, man. Okay, there you go, Ken. You like it? Perfect. I built this as an office. Well, thank you, Jase. You won’t even have to get me a Christmas present this year. Just a perfect thing to do for your mother. You know I can never drink coffee out of that bottle again.
Come on, let’s go sit and eat some crawfish and then you’ll get over it. Quit pooping over everything. I’m on my way. All right. Oh, You idiot. Nothing. All right, I’ll call you. Willie, you going to kill somebody talking on that stupid cell phone. All right, bye. Hey, you going to pay for this? Pay for what? Hey, the damage you done to my dumb bumper guard.
Sorry, there’s no damage on the bumper guard. Look. You going to pay for this. Hey, what Willie doing is illegal, okay? It’s probably going to run you $3,500. Haven’t you ever heard of the law, you break it, you buy it? There’s nothing wrong with it. He’s very lucky that I won’t call the cops on him right now. Hey, let me borrow your phone.
I’m going to call the police. Yeah, officer. He’s male, he’s hairy, definitely fat, looks like a whiskey barrel. It ain’t no telling what’s done to that one. I don’t care about that one. That’s Jethro’s He’s a crazy man. They already put him in a bumper car. Yeah, I hope. Good. Creep, come on. Bottom line, you’re going to pay for this. No, I’m not.
Yes, you are. No. Yes, you are. No. You are? No. No? Si. Hey, family discount. All right. Hey, give me $1,000 we’ll call it even. What is this, extortion? Si, you got a bad attitude. Si, I got to go. Give me a bill for a buff job. Hey, it’s going to cost you. I tried to be nice. Yeah, whatever, Si.
Hey, you’ll be hearing from my lawyer. I got mental anguish. Where’s Si? He’s at the doctor. For what? Is he sick? No, after y’all had your wreck. Si’s ability to exaggerate the truth is legendary. Oh my gosh, are you kidding me? No. Somehow, he’s turned our little accident yesterday into a major collision, Jack.
I don’t know what’s worse, Si’s exaggerations, what is his problem, or that these morons actually believe him. I mean, did you hit him? No, it was like a bumper kiss. A what? Light bumper kiss. That was it. I’ve never heard of that. They just went What? Sure it wasn’t a French kiss. What are you talking about? Kissing. Nothing.
Okay, well, there’s a man outside and he said he’s here to deliver Si. What, is he a pizza? Hey, I got to see this. This is going to be all right here. Oh my goodness. Hey. I should have seen this one coming a mile away. Si, get off that thing. I can’t, I got back damage. About once a year, Si comes up with some stupid excuse to miss work.
Back damage? You You brain damage, you idiot. No, hey, my athlete’s foot’s flaring up. I can’t walk. I’ve got residual nerve damage in my back. Chicken pox. Can’t work. I compressed two or three vertebrae back there. I got Stockholm Syndrome. I think I broke my neck. Hey.
Hey, you ain’t got no nerve damage, son. Hey, the doc said I did. Last year he was on crutches 2 weeks before I finally broke down and made him employee of the month. Get up and let me ride. What do you not understand about hey, I’m damaged? Well, we could have told you that. Hey. Is this for real? He really hurt. that sucker off road or what? Let me show you what it’ll do. No, no.
Hey, hey. Watch your feet. Pop a wheelie on that thing. The older you get, the harder it is to get excited about anything. Are you seriously telling me he’s hurt? Look at him, he’s popping wheelies. Oh, yeah. I just did the delivery, sir. All right, watch this, boys. But this scooter. I want one.
Sir, can I get you to sign this? Up, up and away, Trigger. This thing is off the hook and the chain. Can you stop and sign this for me, please? No. It’ll blow your socks off, your pants off, cuff links, whatever you’re wearing, it’s coming off. All right, let’s roll. Back to work. He’s going to need a helmet with that. Hi-yo, Silver. Oh, unfortunate.
And away. Hey, WHAT WAY YOU GOING? THEY AIN’T REALLY STARTED FLYING YET. NO, it’s too early. They’ll crank up here in a few minutes. Hunting doves. It’s one of my most favorite activities. Because doves are the filet mignon of the sky. I sure would like about 15 of them. They are delicious.
With some jalapeno peppers and a little bit of cream cheese and then wrapped in bacon. Scrumptious, tasty, addictive. And grilled to perfection. Oh, I’m a dove addict. I don’t apologize for it. They going to be hard to hit in this wind. Oh, yeah. Especially when they start dipping and darting. All right, look here. Opening day of dove season, I wouldn’t say it’s a competition, but hey, I’ll fix to show these boys what it sounds like when a dove cries.
Look, here comes three, Phil. Right there in front of Kill them, Phil. Get him, Juju. Fetch up, Ruby. Hey, look out there. I knocked down two of them and my dog didn’t even move. Ruby, are you even paying attention? So, I don’t think that dog likes you. What are you talking about? Silas Robertson and dogs, they don’t bond too well.
I don’t know what you’re over here breathing so hard for. You ain’t done nothing. You can have a prize lab that’s trained in every way, but they start running with old Si, they forget everything they’ve ever learned. Takes about 10 minutes. No, you can’t have no tea, Ruby. No tea, Ruby. Hey, there’s nothing better than hunting with a man and his dog.
Nope. Nope. Hey. You stay. That’s a bond that cannot be broken. Nope. Ruby. Ruby. Nope. But hey, something ain’t right here. When you going to get in on the hunt here instead of sitting there looking? Hey, look here. You’re a dog. Why do you think they have the term working like a dog? Hey, right here. Right here. Come.
I’ll see him. I’ll see him. I’LL SEE HIM. UH-OH. ALL RIGHT. GOT A PIECE OF THAT ONE. Fetch up here. Come on. No, she’s going all you doves, Si. Good girl, Ruby. All right. Come on. Ruby, fetch up. Uh-oh. Come on. That there dog won’t bring it back to you. Personality issue. I’ve had it with this thing. Hey, she’s just rubbing it in. Ruby, fetch up here.
Come on. That dog just don’t like Si. This dog is defective. I got to find out if I can return this thing. No dog likes Si. I’m fixing to retire that heifer. They smell him and they get bad vibes. Well, hey, Miss Kay. Hey, Jase. Hey, guys. Hey, Jase is such a good dog. That’s what she is. A good dog. Oh Bobo.
Hey, you want to eat some rice? You don’t like rice. Miss Kay is a dog lover and she will talk to them in a kind and loving motherly way. I I just whipped her butt. I got some doves. Oh, I love them. I love them. Well, man Phil got you some. So, I was just there for So, you couldn’t hit the doves? No, hey I killed four or five.
I got to go get me a real hunting dog. Emphasis on hunting. You got to find a dog that fits your personality. Like me, okay? I need you to get me a natural born killer when it comes to hunting. She said, “Let me show you what I think about you.” Yeah. Hey, personality issue. All right, look here. He’s got to be well-groomed, handsome.
I got to find one hey, that don’t mind to take a nap every once in a while. I got to go find me a good dog. I’ll go with you. I love dogs. I have a sense about me. Dogs do love you. To get Si a dog, you’re going to need a sixth sense and maybe a seventh. Si is definitely not the dog whisperer. He scares them. I can find a good dog. Look how good JJ and Bobo are.
Okay, it don’t take much to lay on the couch. I got that down pat. I mean the last dog we had, the first thing the dog did was bite Si right on the wrist. I mean Si scares humans too, but they just don’t bite him. Well, we’ll go tomorrow. All right, try to find you a dog with a screw loose. So, I’m having a problem with my dog.
He won’t bring the doves back to me. I think he’s doing it for spite. Me and him have a personality issue. Well, I don’t know about personality. We’ve got lots of dogs here to choose from. We’ve got young dogs, we’ve got old dogs, different breeds of dogs. All right, this place has got all kind of dogs here.
Golden terriers, your winter sniffles, your trans and Siberian huskies. Hey, I think I’ll find me a dog here. This one’s kind of weird. Dad, this dog looks like you. Looks has got nothing to do with it. It’s all about, hey, attitude. Look at that one. He’s the king of the hill. I don’t want him. You don’t want a dog who thinks he’s too fancy for the work you want him to do.
You know, if you get a dog like that, hey, the next thing you know, you’ll both be getting matching pedicures. Sit. That’s what I thought. So, you got a bond with him, you know. with him, Kay. Yeah, of course. They love me. I know why they love you. Cuz I smell like food. That’s right. They always love the cook.
That’s why it is. It’s not always easy to match a dog with someone’s personality, especially somebody like Si. Hey, settle down out there, all right? If a dog had Si’s personality, it’d be old, cranky, mangy, lazy, stinky. Hey, you won’t let me lie. I’d never get a nap with you around, son. Basically, if Si were a dog, we’d have to put him down.
Hey, can we take one of these for a test run? Sure, we can take one for a test run. Hey, look here. A dog’s just like a car or a mattress or a tree. You know, you got to test them. All right, let’s see what we’re going to do. Looking good. All right, here we go. All right. Whoops. Well, good luck with that. I’ve never seen her do that.
That’s a defective dog. Well, let’s go look at some other dogs. We’ll find one, Si. I can’t believe you bought that dog. Hey. Don’t badmouth my dog now. That’s some hairdo there. Hey, he ain’t in no beauty contest, all right? Si, you’re just going to slap crazy. No. Si, that’s a poodle. Hey. I know.
Look at the stature on this thing. I mean, he’s got killer written all over him. Si, you’re more blind than dog. Hey, poodles are one of the best hunting dogs there are. Everybody knows that. That dog there was bred for a fancy person. And by the way, poodle, they don’t give a rat’s behind about what other people think about them.
Hey, guess what? Just like me. That’s what old women have and people of royalty. Well, just call me prince. You know, what can I say? Si’s dog? Ridiculous. Come on, the dog has got style. Embarrassing. Hey, I’ve never seen anything like it. Stupid. This sucker is a hunt dog now, I’m telling you. Sometimes I really think he is insane.
I’ll tell you one thing, he got a set of cards on him that’ll make old one of Schwarzenegger blush. He’s all man, don’t ever doubt that. With a haircut like that, he better have a set of cards on him. I guarantee you cuz he going to need them. Elvis had a hairdo, too. And look how he done. Hey. Is that your logic? If we ever kill any dove, y’all going to take back all these bad words y’all been talking about my dog. Uh-oh, we got one that’s blind.
He’s leaning. He’s leaning. He’s leaning. Try him. I bet you I could. Hey. Oh my goodness. That dog is going to get that dove. The poodle actually retrieves doves. If I hadn’t have seen it, I wouldn’t believe it. yeah. Here. Good boy. I’ll never badmouth another poodle as long as I live. Good work, killer.
Good dog. That right there, hey, that’s the Si Robertson dog. I think Si has found his soulmate. So, where is Jase? Why are we here before work? I don’t understand why we got to be here so early. Cuz he’s an idiot, that’s why. Mhm. I already have to get up pretty early in the morning just to get to work.
I mean, this hair ain’t going to blow dry itself. He’s probably playing a joke on us. That ain’t no fun. I mean, y’all have no idea what it takes to make this every morning. But he said it was really important. And he’s now 10 minutes late. Yeah, this better be good. I wish the knucklehead would hurry up and show up.
Hey, you’re a little cranky this morning. Hey, look, I always get cranky when I’m hungry. What’s that racket over there? I don’t know. Look at that idiot go. That idiot got idiot. He finally showed up. Somebody got a new toy. Wide pool, Willie. That is a big one. Gentlemen, What’s he doing? I have no idea what he’s doing. Mhm. We came here early for this? Yeah.
This is the ultimate redneck chariot. Why are you on that side of the pond? I’m glad you asked. Hey, you don’t lost your mind. You want some motivation? I’ll give you some motivation. I don’t get it. Do you what? He’s thinking thanks that joke. He’s going down, boy. Look, Willie went for manipulation. I went for manovation.
It’s like a boat with wheels. It’s motivation provided for men. Oh, actually looks kind of fun, to be honest with you. Consider yourselves manovated. Hey, whoa, hey. He’s going to drop the motor down, boy. I think it’s got some power. Two thumbs up. Gentlemen, I give you the Argo amphibious ATV. Awesome, dude.
Willie wants to motivate us with soft serve ice cream. I I’ve news for you. This is way better and it’ll make you feel like a man. I’m a man. You’re halfway there, Jase. So, you bought it? I did. Well, good for you. Good for us. Us? This is for people in the duck call shop only. Oh, man. I like your attitude. Take me for a spin in this puppy.
Come on. That’s what I’m talking about. All right. Take me where you want to go with this thing and do it. You lucky dog. Uh-huh. I knew you would make it. Hey, let’s go do some second duck calls. Come on. Let’s get some breakfast first. I’m I’m in. Breakfast it is. Si still ain’t getting no breakfast. Yeah, he gone. Hey, I am hungry though.
I had the weirdest dream last night. A giant eagle took me to his nest can fly, Jack. and tried to hatch me. Oh, that’s pitiful. Okay. Here’s scary, huh? A gigantic fire-breathing dragon. The scary part is that the stupid dragon had skinny, bony legs, human legs. So, he had your legs? No.
Them two? No, hey, them are fine here, boy. Okay. Gentlemen, What about it? Have I got a surprise for you. This is a little mini bonus for me to you. Now we’re talking. Big money. Bologna. Oh, good grief. Being the entrepreneur that I am, I recently opened my own family restaurant called Willie’s Duck Diner. And the best part is I get to design the menu, including my very own signature sandwich, the Boss Hog.
So, I want y’all to do a little taste test. No. No. Since my sandwich will be the king of all sandwiches, I’ve I to make it from the king of all meats, baloney. There’s 50 animals in there. Ooh, yeah. And it’s the all the animals. pork, I would imagine. If it’s pork, it’s like his anus or his nose. Oh, boy. Oh, good grief.
Baloney is like the Michael Jordan, the Wayne Gretzky, and the Mark McGuire of meats. It is big and healthy, but it’s fast, too. And it does hockey stuff. I don’t really understand hockey, but it does that, too. Whatever that is. Skating. Nobody’s going to order that at a restaurant. No, you need to choose a better quality meat.
I’ve got different sandwiches, all right? We got the Godwin, we got the Martin, we got the sloppy assistant. Johnny D has a sandwich? Well, technically it’s called the sloppy assistant. I’m your brother. I was jab. He doesn’t have a sandwich? I would I’d like a flatbread. Of course you would. You ain’t helping with the restaurant anyway, so look.
I just landed your diner the title sponsor on the racing circuit. Are you kidding? I did that for you cuz I thought, well, he’s got a diner. I love race cars. Well, it’s not cars. Well, then what are we racing? Racing outhouses. Oh, my gosh. Outhouse racing has become a pretty big deal around these parts. What? Hang on.
It may sound pointless, but they said the same thing when NASCAR was introduced. And look at the advertising now. These people will forever associate, okay, the outhouse with the diner. I don’t want them associating that. This race could do for Willie’s Duck Diner what stock car racing did for Wonder Bread. We get a free spot in the race since you’re the title sponsor.
You want advertisement for your restaurant? Well, you win. Free food at from Willie’s Duck. Oh, good grief. I ain’t giving you nothing. I’m telling you, it’s genius. Oh, okay, that’s it. Going to need get back to work and this was a stupid idea. Willie’s done it. There’s nothing like a great bowel movement. Yeah, I mean it’s pretty good.
That’s a thing of beauty. I don’t care what you say. You know what it’s missing? All right. Let’s see. I mean look at the cool factor. Look at this. factor, boys. Boom. We’re taking a used toilet and transforming it into a high-performance racing machine. That’s pretty intimidating right there. Oh, yeah.
And you might even let it be dripping some blood. Now we just need the final touch to make it stand out. Intimidation. The intimidation factor. Awesome. When we’re finished, the only scent coming out of this outhouse will be the smell of victory. Let me take a look at these rules. Driver shall wear a protective helmet. You have one place to start, cat.
There you go, Phil. Sir. John, get control of your pets, son. Sir. What? Driver shall wear safety helmet. No problem. Okay. Two people must push it. That’s me and you. I guess it has to be me and you. Plus we’re brothers, so it’s like Peyton Manning. I’ll be Peyton and you’ll be Eli. Peyton is older. All right.
I’ll be Alec Baldwin and you can be any of the other Baldwin brothers. Stephen. Stephen, there’s another one. Yeah, Billy. I don’t know him. All right. We’ll be the Wright brothers. That’s right. And I’ll be Orville and you’ll be Wilbur. Great. Okay. Sucker. Who’s going to ride? Y’all want me to drive this puppy? Siz it up, partner. Si is the obvious choice to drive this outhouse.
If you can crank it, I can drive it. All right, boys. You don’t have to flip the lid up. Do what? We’re attempting to build brand awareness for Willie’s Duck Diner. Need all here. You need here. What human draws more attention than Si? Here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here. And you may want to put a little bit down there.
You put him in an outhouse with wheels? Oh, people are going to watch. Now. Si. Mhm. Si. We’re going to race the thing in a hot box. Just put the horns on. All right. Go by the hospital for the race and pick up a quarter blood. I don’t think hospitals give out blood just for Well, you can give them 35 bucks and then hey, we’ll we’ll you know, drip blood off the horn.
Maybe this is not a good idea. Let’s give this puppy a test run. You know, this thing actually looks faster once once we got it I’m telling you, it’s fast. Look. You want to tell me how fast it’s going to be? Uh-oh. UH-OH. LET’S GO, BABY. What was that going? What are you doing? That was a chest bump. That’s pitiful.
The attack of the war horse. That was just an assault. Well, I’m fired up. Ain’t you fired up, chest bump? Chest bump. Hey, are we ready for me to get in there and get ready to drive? I don’t want to get in there. We need to set up an obstacle course. All right. Let’s go see what he’s got in his truck, boys.
I’m going to go around the brick, around the boot, in between the pole and the bucket, and to the finish line. You will die if you hit that pole. All right. Y’all give me a helmet on, boys. It’s back. I said a safety helmet, Si. You just said helmet. Driver shall wear safety helmet. No No problem. Driver has helmet on and is ready to race.
Let’s crank this baby up and go for a ride. It’s time to test this outhouse. Sam may not seem nervous now, but when this thing gets up to speed, let’s just hope he has the stomach for it. The toilet does not have actual working plumbing. Come on now, y’all can do it. On your mark, get set, go. All right, here we go. Easy, easy.
All right, turn it. Oh boy, this thing can move. All right. All right. Now, turn it again, boys. All right, turn it. Here we go. Now, turn it again. HEY, HEY, STOP IT. STOP IT. STOP IT, SAM. HIT THE BRAKES. UH-OH. WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. HEY. GET ME OUT OF THIS PIECE OF JUNK. LOOK, there’s so many opportunities to go out in a blaze of glory. Hey.
Going out in a racing toilet, that ain’t at the top of my list, okay? Stop, Sam. You almost ruined that thing. Hey, help me stop before I kick it off. Get me out of this piece of junk. You know, F-18 jet fighter, fully combat loaded, yep, that would be okay. Good grief, boys. But hey, yeah, how did he die? Oh, he uh he got killed in a racing a toilet. Oh, really? Yeah.
No. No. All the driving I WAS ALL RIGHT. The stopping is the problem. I’ll tell you the brakes the brakes. They ain’t They ain’t no good on this piece of trash. That’s why I like it. One of you boys get in there drive it, and then the other two push him, and I’ll see how y’all do. What do you think about old turnip greens here? Why did you call it turnip greens? They produce the greatest bowel movement ever.
Fastest movement in the west. Fastest movement in the west. That skull is awesome. Thank you. It looks like blood. That’s an intimidation factor. That is great. Why is it called turnip greens? Okay, cuz it produces the greatest bowel movement. Black Jace Oh my goodness. Speaking of turds. Hello McMillian. He’s back.
Uh-oh, headache, headache. Well, I should have known this would happen. Anytime you set up an event like this, it’s bound to attract the bottom of the barrel. Hey, hey, hey. Hey, what are you doing? Son, don’t run over my staff here. I was wondering if he’d be back this year. That’s right.
The original sultan of the trailer park, Phillip McMillian. Does this guy not have a job? race everything and anything except for cars? All right, even though this is a giant waste of money, we need to beat him. Oh my goodness. Well, well, well, look what we got here, boys. Carnival’s shut down for the day? I didn’t know the duck dorks were flipping burgers now. Good one.
I can’t tell what we got here. Mr. T or Celo Green. Can you sing? That’s funny, Cy. Real funny. hey, you can’t race. I know that already. Last time I lost by a technicality. Phillip McMillian’s having engine trouble. Two stars. You lost, didn’t you? lost. You lost. That’s the point. You win some, you lose some.
Today, I win some. What am I SAYING, BOYS? PIPE DOWN, WESTMAN TOO. IS HE FOR REAL? Get that dump truck ready. Get out there on that white line and let’s get it on. Technically, all outhouses are dump trucks. True. That one’s a turnip dump. That don’t even make sense. That’s funny. Yeah, that’s funny. Mhm. Let’s go, guys.
Turnip dump. Jace, we got to win this thing now. I didn’t think you cared about this. Well, now I do. You got to take the villain down. This is a game changer. I went from hoping to win to needing to win. I ain’t driving. This thing ain’t got no brakes. What? Well, it’s got them technically, but they don’t work.
Okay, that’s not good. Jace, I think you need to get in race this thing. I think you may be right. This is the ultimate game of drones. First thing you do is hey, get the oil can out and oil everything that moves. Huh? Including Jason. Oil him down. Make sure everything’s slick. That’s awkward. Ladies and gentlemen, the main attraction race.
Phillip McMillan in the millionaire mobile. I hope you can drive that turnip green in a ditch. And Jace turnip green in the same green wagon racer. Let’s do this! Do you know what time it is? Time for you to lose. I can actually say that this was all fun and games up until this point. Now the gloves are off.
Just cuz you spend a lot of time on the pot doesn’t mean you’re an expert. Fire in the hole, boys. Oh, it’s on now. Y’all ready? Banyo ebanyo. Let’s go, boys. Go get them, BOYS. ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. BANYO! AND THEY’RE WE GOT IT. WOOHOO! OKAY, hit the wall there. Next track, boys. He’s catching him now. HE’S PASSING HIM NOW. BILL CROSSED THE LINE FIRST. I’M NEVER
GOING TO live this down. Aw, yeah. Ah, that was terrible. Where are the brakes? No brakes. No brakes. No brakes. To be so close to victory only to have it ripped out of your hands at the last second by a pudgy yellow wig-wearing man in Crocs. This is downright embarrassing. Who won? I believe that would be you.
I may never ever be able to look at a toilet quite the same again. I cannot believe I lost. When y’all started, you were pushing hard and you weren’t pushing and I went toward the ditch. That’s cuz he wasn’t putting out over. I won. It’s called technical difficulties and you lose this time. Well, you get free food for a year, compliments Willie’s Diner and his specialty is baloney sandwich.
Baloney? Congratulations. I love baloney. Thank you, man. Hey, baloney’s my favorite. Kind of like you better already.
