43 Minutes of Willie Meaning Business… Until He Doesn’t
you with a broom. You need to take a picture of this. You won’t see this very often. Did you see any spiders up there? Yep. Ah! Hey, buddy. What are you doing here? Willie is in charge of a funny farm. Si got his panties in a wad about something this morning. -No. -When I run into a situation, I can go out and vent my frustration, so to speak, on Phil. He’ll listen …
He’s running an insane asylum up there. Huh? … unless it gets boring. Then he tunes me out. I’m over there working, and they over there playing, playing games. No. Well, I’ve had it. I’m sick of them. I quit. -Huh? -Yeah. I quit. Hey. Huh? Si, to just sum it all up, what is their problem? They’re idiots. Hey.
So, Si, what are you going to do now? Hey. I’d roll up my sleeves and help you over there on the land. You’re Duck Commander, so, hey, I’ll work with you. I was like a rabid coon back up there at the warehouse. Now, hey, getting back out in the woods, hey, that’s where I was meant to be. Well, we always got something you can do down in here, Si.
-I’m down like a rodeo clown. -Hello? Yeah. Hold on. It’s Willie for you. -Uh-oh. -Uh-oh. -Bossman. -He just got wind. -Will. -Si, what happened? You run a terrible company, and, hey, it’s not your fault you got a bunch of scrubs working for you. I don’t want no scrubs. -Scrubs are out. -Will, I quit. You can’t just quit and leave. You’re the reed man.
Hey, if you want your reeds so bad, hey, make them yourself, Will. -Look. -Si Robertson out. You did not just hang up on me. Well, if Si is going to play the quitting game, then I’m going to play the hiring game, and finding a dude with a beard who needs a job in this town, it ain’t that difficult. -Well, let’s get on it. -I don’t want no scrubs.
-Scrubs are out. -Hey, this already beats what I was doing up yonder with them knuckleheads. -Shovels are better than reeds? -Yeah. Oh, yeah. Today we are fixing our levee up, and old Si fixing to get in on that project. Basically, it’s two old coots tearing up stuff. It could be worse. Hey, I’m looking forward to this.
Hey. We’re just two wild, crazy guys fixing to go out in the great outdoors. The Sun at our back, the smell of the woods, wind in our beards. I’m like a stallion horse. I need to run wild and free again. Brothers are together again, and it’s going to be an old-fashioned bro-down, boys. We’re like the dy-manic duo! We got two tickets to the bro-deo.
Batman and Robin! “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.” Crosby, Stills and Nash! -Crosby and Stills and Nash. -And Nash. See, it’s three. It ain’t but two of us. Booyah! Boy, it’s good to get out of that stupid warehouse, back out here in the woods. Ol’ Red look like he’s moving some dirt. Free manual labor, it’s hard to find hands.
That’s why we got Ol’ Red, backhoe operator. -What do you think? -You got a big hold to fill up. So Si will basically just be there for moral support. He ain’t doing it right. I don’t know what he’s doing. Red, he’s a fair operator on the backhoe. He ain’t a great operator. I’m a great operator. Hey! Red, hold up.
You ain’t doing it right. Let me get on that backhoe. I’ll let you have it if you can do a better job than me. -Si, can you handle it? -Yeah. I can handle it. You understand the objective? Hey, look here. You see that dirt right there? -Yeah. -That needs to go right there. That is the objective. Take the dirt from right there …
-Hey, I got that. -Huh? I got it. -Huh? -I got it. That machine will be an extension of my body. The only difference between that and my hands is I can’t grab as much with my hands. Si, you been building them reeds for about a decade. When’s the last time you was on a backhoe? -Community project.
-Community project? -Yeah, in Vietnam. -Si, that’s been 40 years. It’s been a while, but it’s like riding a bicycle. You never forget. You boys don’t even worry about it. I know what I’m doing. Whoops. Putting the dirt back in the hole. It’s a piece of junk. -Whoa! -Boom, bow, bang, boom, bow, crash, squealing! That dirt there needs to go this way.
Hey, I know it. I think Si is a little rusty on this thing. Good night! -I better back up a little bit. -Yeah, I see trouble here. There’s trouble, trouble here. Well, he’s a little bit herky-jerky. I know that. -Uh-oh. -In his prime, Si probably was pretty good at using heavy machinery. Piece of junk! But I remember when Miss Kay weighed about 95 pounds, was a cheerleader, but them days kind of long behind us here now.
Uh-oh. Uh-oh! Uh-oh. Hey, Si! The idea is to keep the water over there. I don’t know what you’re talking about. It ain’t my fault. This thing here is a piece of junk. I fail to see how this is not old Silas’ fault right here. What do you say, Red? Hey, look. This backhoe is old. Okay? It’s not functioning right.
Si, you might ought to call it a day and let old Red get back on that backhoe, see what he can do with it. -All right. He’s welcome to it. -I’m old, too, but, hey. I function perfect, perfectly perfect. -Yeah. -Get, get, get! Go play with Bobo. He’s right over there. Go on, or go that way. Miss Kay, what are you doing in there? I’m watering.
-Phew! -How’d it go over there? -Oh, it went great. -Well, let’s see. Ooh, you did pretty good today, Red. Nice doing business with you. -See you in the morning. -Good work. -What about my pay, Phil? -Well … -How am I going to get paid now? -Paid? In cash? Paying Si to tear up a levee and let water out instead of hold it in, that’d be kind of like paying a game warden to come down there and write you up for something you ain’t done.
No. The only money changing hands is between Will and everybody, not Phil and everybody. Old Will would be your contact on that. Well, hey, you’re the Duck Commander. I’ll just tell Will that, hey, you said pay me. -Hmm, I don’t know about that. -I’ll see you in the morning. All right. Probably won’t add up to doodly squat.
I have always wanted goats. Ha. In my opinion, you’re not a proper woman if you don’t have a goat or two. I really, really want a goat. You don’t even have a fence. Well, you can build a pen. Kay, how much longer? We got to get out of here. I’m not leaving here without a goat. I’m serious. Kay, if I get you a goat, can we just leave? Yeah.
But more than one, of course. Are these goats for sale? I don’t know about that. I’ll give you $100. $100 wouldn’t buy the horns off of one of them. I’ll take $1,000, and you carry them with you. They’ll fit just right in the back of your Escalade. No. Willie, it’s just a car. That’s a $70,000 car. I’m not putting goats in the back of it.
I want the goats. [bah] [screams] They’re eating my pants. Kay, this is the dumbest idea you’ve ever had. But once we get them home, they’ll be fine. Kay, don’t let those goats crap back there. Drop, drop, drop, drop, everywhere. It’s just like a gum machine with poop in it. They’re crapping everywhere.
I hate to tell you that. These goats, they’re like four-legged devils. I mean, they’re peeing. They’re pooping. They’re doing everything they can do to destroy this car. [screaming] I can’t drive. This is exactly why I didn’t want to get these goats. [phone ringing] Yeah. (ON PHONE) Will, those goats are driving me crazy.
Haha. I told you not to buy them. Mom, I can’t come get those goats. Ma– I– [sighs] [honking] Willie! Good. You’re here. You would not believe what happened. Kay, these goats are fine. No, they ate my azaleas, and they’re tearing up everything. They even got the kids’ baby doll. You got to take them today, because they’re going to get– Just keep them separated till we can get a pen built.
Kay, I did not sign up for this. This is part of the family business. No, this ain’t part of the family business. Yes, it’s my business, and you’re my son. What am I supposed to do with a bunch of goats? This ain’t Goat Commander. I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do with these things. Well, you’ll figure it out.
You’re smart. There they go. Say, bye, goats. [bleating] Korie, it was not my idea. I put them in Will’s bathroom. [bleating] It’s the perfect place. They’re in there. They’re doing goat stuff. They can poop in there. They can pee in there. They can drink out of the toilet. They’re like, harmless. Yeah. [bleating] No, they’re– yeah.
I’m going to have it worked out by the time you get back tomorrow. Let me call you back. All right, bye. No, no, no, no, no. Oh no. Woop. No, no, no. Sons of Satan, come on. Oh, you pooped all over the floor. Come on. Come on. Good morning, Willie. Hey, Linda. Jase. Jase. This is exactly why I didn’t want to give Jase an office in the first place.
I mean, when it comes to this company, Jase, he could care less. I’m going hunting. Y’all figure it out. But then again, sometimes Jase’s absence is better than his presence. Come over to the office. Yeah, bring the truck. Load this sucker up, and get it out of here. Ain’t he going to be mad? I could care less if he’s mad.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm is right. Jase has been great his whole life at coming up with stupid plans. And I’ve become even better at totally dismantling them. Let’s let her rip. [inaudible] Yep, there goes the COO. [ribbit] Oh my. You know what my hobby is? Pissing Jase off. Easy. What about it? ‘Bout time you showed up.
There was a building here, and it’s gone. It’s like it vanished. Where’s my office? Something happen to it? You demolished it? I relocated it. Where did you move it? Come on. I’ll show you. What are you showing me? Remember I told you about those goats? This way. Are you kidding me? What do you think? That’s my office.
It was your office. Now it’s Mr. Doo Doo and Hershey Kiss’ office. Here you go. Do you think this is funny? It’s just stupid. I cannot believe you would do that. Ah, right on your desk. That’s two of your co-workers now. You got my duck calls laying all over the darn floor. Oh, that’s got goat pee on it. I just killed two birds with one stone.
Kay gets her goat pen, and Jase doesn’t have to talk to his stuffed beaver anymore. You can blow duck calls as loud as you want, and you got company. Oh, I had somebody to talk to– my frog. Where’s my frog? It’s one thing to mess with my office. But it’s another thing to mess with my frog. I had bonded with that frog.
We had become best friends. Hey, hey. – There we go. Look. That’s the enemy right there. Oh man. Kay, there’s your goat pen. You like it? Perfect. I built this as an office. Well, thank you, Jase. You won’t even have to get me a Christmas present this year. Just a perfect thing to do for your mother. You know I can never drink coffee out of that pot again.
Come on, let’s go eat some crawfish, and then you can get over it. Quit pooping on everything. [bleating] This is one of the best things about this company … What? … the company retreat. When we have a retreat, that means we’re going hunting, so I’m happy. You reckon you got enough shells? Last thing we gone do is run out of ammo, boy.
And I do a lot of retreating. My whole life is a retreat. But it seemed like it’s a little early this year. It is early. Isn’t it? Yeah. There ain’t but two seasons open: hog and turkey. Well, let’s kill something before we … I’m waiting on Willie. I don’t know. Let’s go. Hey, Willie is probably in his stuffy office doing stuffy business as usual.
Well, I’m going to get him. Well, go get him. All right. I’m tired of waiting. We’re going to hunt. We’re going to hunt. That’s it. Let’s go. If we’re going to sit out in the parking lot, I’m out. Of course, it’s an attractive offer. Willie, let’s go. Who wouldn’t be interested in that? I’ve got some big news.
I’ve got another job offer from a big company. Hey, we’re waiting. I tell you what. I’ll call you back. Stop it. Here. No, it’s one of my kids. I’ve gotten these offers before, and I just turn them down. I say, “No. No thanks.” But this one, this is one that’s going be hard to walk away from. Thank you. All right.
Let’s go, man. Dude, I’m ready. I had one phone call. That’s what I do. I take phone calls. Let’s go kill something. What are we going after, anyway? I’m thinking hog. Well, I think for sure we ain’t duck hunting. Well, I’ve got something special planned. I always look forward to the retreat. Every year, we go hunting.
But this year, I’ve got a little surprise for them. This ain’t exactly looking like a place to hunt, there, Will. Where I’m taking the guys is a little out of their comfort zone. Sometimes, you’ve got to shake it up. It don’t look like no hunting hole to me. Just wait. Hey, there ain’t nothing here. I have no idea where we’re at.
Way too many houses. It’s like I’m in an alien country. Are you lost? All right. we’re here. Oh, hey. Where is this place? Is that a swimming pool? What? Come on. I’ll explain later. Our counselor is waiting. Counselor? This is not the wild, wild woods. What do you think? The whole thing is making me nauseous. Hey, this don’t look like no hunting camp.
There’s woods. When are we going to be killing? We’re going to be killing fear, doubt … What? … hesitancy. That already seems stupid to me, Willie. This is a team-building camp. Are you serious? A team building camp? If I was trying to build a team full of idiots, that’s what I’d do. This is the stupidest thing you’ve ever come up with.
Will there be any running involved? Willie put the bamboozle on the whole bunch of us. Crazy knucklehead. We’re going to have to work together as a team. Are the keys in this thing? Jack, I … Boys, I might have to go AWOL. Hey, guys. Hey, Willie. Hey. Hey, I’m Trent. Trent, oh? Yeah. Nice to see you. Good to see you, man.
This must be the rest of the Duck Commander crew. We’re here. This is the crew. Well, it’s great that you guys are here. This is obviously something that’s needed, and I know that by the end of the day, you’ll really get a sense for your trust and teamwork and what you can really do when you work together.
Trent, look. It’s good to meet you and all, but we’re not going to be here long. That’s what we need to work on right there … Yeah, yeah. … that kind of attitude. There is something waiting in these woods that you’ve never gotten to see before. Are you serious? It’s a joke, right? Right? No, it’s no joke.
You done lost your mind. The next thing you know, he’ll have us holding hands, and we’ll be singing “Kumbaya” around a campfire. It’s going to be more than what even we thought it would be when we spoke over the phone. [Lyrics] Kumbaya, my Lord Kumbaya Face your fears. Sometimes, it takes time. It’s like a hippie commune here.
Right this way, guys. This is not a joke? No weapons, either. No weapons? I’m going to check y’all for guns. Hey, man. I’m glad you called. This is exactly what we’re designed for. Oh, this is good. They’re going to get into it. Yeah, I think so. I think so. Guys, this is our first element today. A deer stand.
Now, I can go get my bow right now. No, that’s not it. That’s not a deer stand. Yeah. It needs to be up there a little bit higher for a deer stand. I know this probably looks like a deer stand. This is actually what we call a trust fall. This is an event that will help you guys really get a chance to see the level of trust you share between each other.
[ Chatter ] Hey, I come up here this morning trusting that we was going on a hog hunt or a turkey hunt, and then here I am talking to a psychiatrist. So to say I have got a little trust issue with him is a understatement. Sure. What am I actually supposed to do here? Si, you would walk up to the top of this platform, turn and face this tree, and I want you to just fall back and let us catch you.
We’ve got you, Si. Don’t worry about it. We’ve got you. Si, it’s going to change your life. That’s what I’m afraid of. I’m afraid it’s going to put me in a wheelchair. Right now, I feel like Si is at the age where if we don’t catch him, it’s over. Si, don’t worry. This is going to be great. This is going to be absolutely great.
Are we really going to do this? Seriously, we’re going to do this? Si needs you to catch him. You’ve got it, Si. This is called being stupid together. Si, I want you to say, “trusting,” because I want you to … Hey, why don’t I just go ahead and get down the ladder? That’s what I’m saying. The last thing I want to do is fall, hoping these idiots will catch me.
Here we go, Si. I’m going to hit the ground. >> This is the dumbest thing you have ever done, Salisbury Robertson. Trusting … Okay, we’re trusting. Si, you say, “falling.” Falling. Fall away. Fall all the way. Catch me. Guys, I really like that you’re trying to get this going. [ Chatter ] All right. Here we go, Si.
Now, Si, you’re going to say, “falling.” We’re going to say, “fall away,” all at once. [ Chatter ] Look out! Good. Good lord. See? Right upside the face. Look it. I apologize for that. “Trusting,” “Falling.” Ah! I pity the world if that’s what it takes to trust people. Martin, I think that’s just a product of Si not fully trusting you is, he’s bringing his arms out.
there were some issues in that fall. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I definitely had issues falling. So I don’t trust people. That’s life. Who’d like to go next? I ain’t doing it. I’ll go. Martin gets up on that platform. I’m going to tell you something. You might as well just chunk a sperm whale off there. We’d have just as much luck catching that.
If he goes up there, it’s no longer about trust. It’s about physics. Trusting. See y’all at the next one. Well, that’s no fun. This a set trap? This is it. This is called the pamper pole. You have to change your diapers after it’s over? That’s right. That’s what it’s called the pamper pole. It’s a little bit intense.
You can see, it’s a high element. We’ll take a volunteer, somebody to climb up here and take a leap of faith. Not it. Come out, Jack. Hey, I’ve done my part, okay? I trusted. I don’t understand something designed to make you poop in your pants. That don’t do nothing for me. This will fit anybody. we’re prepared for whoever wants to lead the way.
I’ll do it. All right. There you go. I ain’t going to lie. I’m scared to death. I look up. It’s about 30 feet in the air. And then the thing you’re supposed to grab is about 10 feet away. I can’t let them seeing me be scared of it, though. I ain’t scared. [ Chatter ] There we go. Yeah, we got any honey around here? We’re sending Winnie the Pooh Bear up.
Going to the woods and crapping your britches, I’d say this culture we live in, they’re nuts. Climbing. Climbing away. He’s climbing. You guys really try. Get on up there. Get on up. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Well, look at him. You’re on your own now, buddy. Hey, what’s the weight limit on that pole, Trent? I think we can support that weight.
Oh, okay. Come on there, big dog. Shut up. Guys, if we could really try and be encouraging. Hey, don’t screw this up. Shut up. Willie, he’s scared to death. He’s looking like a third-grader who just wet his pants. Hey, as pudgy as you are, you’ll probably bounce anyway. Si, that’s not even funny. Hey, unless you’re just going to do an over-the-off-of-there …
What? Uh-huh, “an over-the-off-of-there”? He’s just got to bail off. Be sure to watch the Olympics for that trick. They’re doing a half-over-the-off-of-there. I need to check my Si thesaurus to see what he just said. [ Chatter ] Hey! Watch that over-the-off-of-there. Yeah. When you jump, you just say, “one, two, three, jump,” and go for it.
Okay. Jump. Jump. He ain’t going to do it. He going to chicken it out. Jump. Shut up. You’re doing great. You’re doing great. What’s that dripping down his leg? Shut up. Guys, if we could really try and be encouraging, the more encouraging, the better. Jump. Shut up. You’ve got this. Everybody down here believes in you, don’t we, guys? Bock, bock, bock, bock, bock, bock, bock, bock.
One … One, two … I’ll count. Well, start counting. In a minute. Okay. I’m fixing to do it. Come on. One … There you go. … two … Three comes after two. Start over. One, two, three, jump. Jump! Don’t screw this up. Jump. Bock, bock, bock, bock, bock, bock, bock, bock. Oh, easy! That’s the fall. You had it, Will. Then, you let go of it.
You had it. My hand slipped. Well, there was a little too much mass there. You know what I’m saying? [ Chatter ] That’s right. Yeah. Gravity took over. You just looked like a human piñata out there. I was looking for something to hit you with, see if I could get some of that money out of your pockets. See, y’all don’t get it.
Everything I thought was going to happen ain’t happening. Has anybody learned anything out here? If you’re wondering, the answer is no. I’ve learned that if I ever want to go have some fun, this is the last place I’ll go. I’ll tell you what. Y’all keep joking and laughing and whatever. I’ve got a phone call to return. You totally don’t get it.
Man, what are you talking about, son? I brought you out here because I’ve been offered another job … Really? … huge job, huge company. Workers actually work. You’re thinking about taking it? Duh. Okay. This gets tired, working with all this mess. I would hope you wouldn’t act too hastily. [ Chatter ] Typical Willie, “I’m taking my ball, and I’m going home.
” He gone. WILLIE: Hello, team. GODWIN: How you doing? KORIE: Hey, babe. WILLIE: How are y’all? GODWIN: Good. – Good. You look nice today. You look nice today. Did you wear the puffy shirt? I like my puffy shirt. Ah, it’s beautiful. I got some good news, boys. I just bought a vineyard.
What, did you lose a bet? Feast your eyes on Tuscanderos. Is that in America? I cannot believe you actually bought it. Actually, I think I’m gonna change the name of it either to Willie’s– Willie’s Wine? If something starts off with “Willie,” it has to be moonshine or nothing. That doesn’t sound sophisticated enough, babe.
Why is “Willie” not sophisticated? Willie’s Moonshine– that fits. Willie’s Wine– never! I guarantee, you do a check, and most people named Willie are either in prison or they’re, like, on the arm wrestling circuit, you know? WILLIE (VOICEOVER): I’m a business man. I can see potential. I have a little presentation.
JASE: Oh, my goodness. When they see it, they’re gonna be blown away. That’s what you bought? Yeah. I hope you didn’t spend a lot of money on this. You gone out and looked at the ground? No, I bought it online. You bought it online? WILLIE: Yeah, it was at an auction. I got a smoking deal. Oh, my goodness. I think it’s gonna be interesting.
It looks like a cemetery. This is like somebody giving me backstage passes to an insured disaster. WILLIE: Y’all are gonna love it. This is gonna be the coolest thing we’ve ever done. I’m going on the ship. Because if it crashes, I want to watch it. The coolest thing we’ve ever done? Yeah. [country music] MISS KAY: Oh, my goodness.
KORIE: Oh, my goodness. You know what this is, Kay? What? It’s the Robertson Winery. I just bought it. Oh. I really don’t know what to say. It’s not often that my boys buy something I can actually appreciate. This is beautiful! Like, back in the pioneer days when they had wine, Kay. This is the vineyard. MISS KAY: This is beautiful.
My question is, where are the grapes? Uh. Yeah. [slide guitar riff] WILLIE: Needs a little work. A little work! Hey, Willie, you big, extravagant purchaser, where are the grapes? Willie showed me a bunch of pictures of a bunch of vines and grapes. Hey, it’s gonna look like the picture. Show me the grapes! You gotta put hand to plow, son, hand to plow.
MISS KAY: How many years– Trying to make wine with no grapes? Do you believe in miracles? I can see it now. This whole thing is gonna be slam full of grapes. We just hit it at the wrong time. You can always turn water into wine if you’re Jesus. Oh, it’s gonona be nice. The last time I checked, your name is Willie.
You gonna be buying wine at the Quick Stop. Yeah, that’s real funny. I ain’t sure where the grapes went to. But hey, this is no problem. When in doubt, figure it out. That’s the redneck way. I think I need to call in an expert. JASE: You should have called the expert before you bought this thing. WILLIE: This place is nice, isn’t it? I know.
We just gotta figure out how to do it don’t we? That’s why I got the expert coming in. Look, I realize I’m in over my head. We don’t have any grapes. But don’t hit the panic button. I got a sommelier on the way. Hey, Jeff. Hey, how y’all doing? Jeff Landry with Landry Vineyard. We were just so excited about hearing about y’all buying a winery.
It’s a tough business. Growing is tough. Winemaking is tough too. I mean– You might should have found out some facts, you know, about how to do it. WILLIE: I looked online. I read a bunch of stuff. – Well, good. I feel better now. Thank you. Most of the rednecks I know think wine only comes in a box. There’s way more varieties.
Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot, that’s pretty much the two that I know about. We were gonna do a wine tasting at the end of the month. Uh, you gotta a’ways to go before you’re gonna have something in a bottle. You jumped the gun, as usual, didn’t you? I thought you just went out there and picked them. MISS KAY: You have a degree, but it’s not in wine making is it? No, it’s in wine drinking.
- I mean, Jesus turned water into wine. How hard can it be? [slide guitar riff] Well, there’s a little leaf. This is Blanc DuBois. That’s the name of this grape. – Belong to who? Blanc DuBois. It’s a wine grape. All these are “blawn-de-blawns”? – Blanc DuBois. – “Blawn-du-wah.” Blanc DuBois. “Blawn-du-wah.” Willie can’t even pronounce the name of the grapes.
It’s “blonde-du-blah.” See, I can’t pronounce the name of them. I mean, you’re four months away before you’re ready to produce grapes. But you’re still over a year away before you have something in the bottle, you know? Oh, man. I don’t know if this guy knows, but I’m about the least patient person on this planet.
He’s giving me the 10-year plan. I want the 10-day plan. I mean, you can buy grapes. But the problem is, this is not harvest season for any part of the country right now. There’s grapes at the grocery store. I seem them. Could you just buy them and bring them in? That’s not the same type of grape. Wine grapes are very complex in flavor and character.
We’ll figure something out. I just bought a wine farm with no wine on it. We’ve got a huge wine tasting event that Korie’s already sent invitations out to. We got no grapes and we got no wine on hand. It’s time for plan B. Jase, hey, get me some wine grapes. JASE (ON PHONE): Wine grapes? When Batman needed something, he called Robin.
Google it or something, I don’t know. JASE (ON PHONE): What are you talking about? I got my own boy wonder. You get the wine grapes and meet us here. JASE (ON PHONE): Well, Willie– All right, bye. I’m gonna be tasting these grapes for a month, because all the juice has drained down in my beard.
There’s Will. JEP: Look at him. You got ’em? Oh, we got ’em, all the grapes you can eat. JASE: Seems like a bad sign when you buy a vineyard and the first thing you have to do is buy some grapes. What vineyard did you get these from? I went to the grocery store and I bought them. He said to get wine grapes.
I know, but listen to me. I looked it up. All a wine grape is is a grape with a lot of sugar in it. It’ll work. I’m telling you. Well, quit eating all of ’em. All right, here’s the deal. We gotta get the grapes into the crusher. It’s gonna pull the stems out, drop the crushed grapes into the press, and we’ll get the juice.
– I’m gonna crush ’em. – All right, that’s the crusher. – I want to de-stem them. – Y’all get the grapes in there. I’ll get it from the press. All right, let’s go. Fire in the hole! Maybe this is easier than I thought. We’re 10 minutes into this– –juice is flowing. We got juice! You can already smell the wine.
Ah! We got a ton of juice. – It’s getting full. – Getting full. It’s getting full! WILLIE: Hold on! MISS KAY: Hey, Jase, it’s getting too full. It’s getting too full! MARTIN: All right, now it’s full. JASE: Now it’s full. Yeah, I shouldn’t have put that last box in. I was close. MISS KAY: Thanks. MARTIN: Well, does this go on it, Will? OK, now what? MARTIN: You’re the master winemaker.
I’m not sure he knows what he’s doing. Now we got juice. See it pushing? MARTIN: Oh, it’s bubbling. JASE: Oh, this is like taking a wine bubble bath. MISS KAY: Yeah. MARTIN: There we go. JASE: Yeah, this just sped it up. WILLIE: Oh, shoot. MISS KAY: Oh, no. MARTIN: Uh-oh. MISS KAY: Uh-oh, it’s spitting– MARTIN: We sprung a leak.
JASE: Sprung a leak! MARTIN: We sprung a leak. MISS KAY: It’s spitting up. WILLIE: We got a blow out. JASE: Look, it’s just like everybody’s, like, leaving the ship. I look down and I see the regurgitation of grapes in every way possible. Is that the way it’s supposed to work? It’s like vomiting. They keep oozing out every orifice.
MISS KAY: Hey, it’s coming out at the top! Look out. JASE: You can’t stop it. – Look, too many! – It’s coming out of the side. – Oh, shoot. – Stop! MARTIN: Here we go. Ah! Don’t let them come out. Ah! Grapes are flying. [whooshing sounds] – Ah! I’m hit. Grape shrapnel! Kay’s down! Oh, my shoes. Ah! I never realized that fruit could be so violent and dangerous.
It’s like a grape horror show. MARTIN: I’ve never made wine. But I wouldn’t think this is standard operating procedure here. What are we gonna do now, Mr. Big Shot? [slide guitar riff] MARTIN: Look out. WILLIE: I saw this on a movie one time. This is the first job, Willie, that you’ve ever come out with that’s good to have big, weighty individuals.
WILLIE: I can taste the wine right now, can’t y’all? JASE: This is the fun part, isn’t it? This is where the magic happens. I know there’s a specific recipe to make good wine. JASE: I’ll be a dumper. We don’t have time for that. JASE: Whoops. WILLIE: Jase! If a little sugar and a little yeast is good– I don’t know how much sugar to put in it.
–a lot will make it a whole lot better. JASE: Down the hatch! And we’re fixing to have the best batch of wine money can buy. GODWIN: Willie, he spilled some. Sheesh, he poured it all over the place. – Ah! – Stop it! And when you don’t know what you’re doing, you might as well do it quickly. WILLIE: Jase, you’re spilling all our profits! If we gonna make some wine, let’s make something that no one has ever tasted before, ever.
Go. How does it smell? It’s got a mustiness about it. We need more sugar. A little spice, a little kick to it, a little nastiness. Oh, yeah. WILLIE: More juice! Golly, that went down my shirt– JASE: MISS KAY: –all that sugar. Ah! Oh, Phil will be nosing around and find that. There is no doubt that this wine is gonna be delicious.
We put too much work into it. All sealed up. What other duck call maker has their own wine? None. We just made some wine. Purple gold. How you been? I got everybody here– my family, I’ve got special guests. I’ve got investors, potential customers. I brought all of them in for this wine tasting. We are so excited tonight to bring to you our latest Mallard Merlot from Duck Commander.
[Duck Commander wine will propel us to the top, the top of whatever it puts you at with a wine label and duck call combination. Cheers to Mallard Merlot! ALL: Cheers! WILLIE: Drink up! Woo, hoo, hoo. The wine that we’ve created kinda tastes like a cross between doe urine and jalapeno juice.
Yo! And it smells like coon pee. Hey, I enjoyed it. Full bodied. City slickers don’t know what’s good. That’s the nastiest stuff I ever tried drinking in my life. JASE: Oh, my goodness! Well, Willie, at least you tried, son, at least you tried. We’re hunters, not gatherers. WILLIE: We can do weddings or something here– –just not wine.
I’m gonna buy wine in the box. What’s up, boss? Y’all need to get this order done. We’re going to do it. You say that every time and you never get it done. We always get it done. You always say we never get it done. If I didn’t say you wouldn’t get it done, you wouldn’t get it done. Dadgummit. But we always get it done.
What’s the deal with this thing? What’s the problem over there, boys? My tablet ain’t working. The only thing working in here is email. Yeah. You know why? It’s a piece of junk. That’s why. Because I shut it down. What? Bye bye, WiFi. [groans] It’s come to my attention that these slappies have been spending too much time on the internet.
Firewall. what? I’m trying to get on. So I installed a firewall in order to shut down their internet usage. I have no idea what he’s talking about, but can he really do that? Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, your space. I blocked all the social media sites. What did you do that for? I did a little research and I found out all the crap y’all been looking at.
Hashtag, get over it. How are we supposed to do anything? Yeah. What’s the password? Get back to work. Is that capitalized? Get back to work? That’s not the password. That means just get back to work. I must break it. I’m not giving you the password. You need to. This is just ridiculous. There are two types of people at Duck Commander.
Get off the social media sites and start working. There are those who occasionally use the internet to pass the time. I want to tweet. What would you possibly tweet? That you’re balder today than you were yesterday? Then there are those who have absolutely no idea what the internet is. Kiai! All right, boys. How do I tweet on this thing? Hey.
It’s got buttons. Cyberspace. And it’s useless. I think I’ll throw this piece of trash in the trash. There’s also a third type of user. The internet hog. What? You keep bringing up social media like you’re not on social media. I’m hardly ever on social media. I’ll bet you tweeted before you walked in here. No I did not.
Got to go quack some skulls in the duck call room. All right. This is exactly why I’m putting this– Hashtag, life as a boss. All right. Get to work. Hey. I got your tweet right here. [quack] That’s a crow, Si. Not a tweet. Hey. Check this out. What are y’all watching? That’s exactly why I’m a duck hunter.
Is this a movie? No, it’s YouTube, Si. It’s got a lot of videos. – YouTube? YouTube. YouTube. Willie didn’t block that? No. He forgot one website on the firewall. You know that guy? No. You make your own video and you can put it on there. Fun videos? Si, there’s all kinds of videos. Trying to explain technology to Si.
What are you saying that this thing was? – YouTube. – Me tube? YouTube. Si, why can’t you get this? It’s impossible. Who tube? YouTube. YouTube. That’s the name of the website, Si. This would be like teaching calculus to a bunch of toddlers. That’s the dumbest name I ever heard of. YouTube? Yeah. No wonder nobody knows what it is.
The only difference here is, you can send the toddler to his room and he will leave you alone for a while. Are y’all telling me, hey, this is a magic box that I conjure up any movie in the world? It’s a computer, but yeah. Anything about anything. Watch this one, Si. OK. What we got here? It’s a large woman on a table.
Too much woman, not enough table. She just broke something. Hey. That’s the most awful thing I’ve ever seen. Play it again. Look. I can really get into this YouTube. Good grief. That’s pretty neat there. They got everything on this thing. Wait for it. This ought to be good here. They got fainting goats.
Sneezing pandas. Pretty cool. Double complete rainbows. All the way. Charlie bit my finger. Wow. Pow pow. Whoa. Wham. Where’s this internet been all my life? All right. Let’s go eat. Burger time. Let’s go eat some burgers. Come on. I ain’t going. Hey. You don’t want to come? Save me a couple and bring them back with you.
All right. All right, you crazy geezer. Black Panther. Wow. Look how slick he moves. You can’t even see how he moves. He moves so slick. [rock music] You find frogs by shining your light. And you’ll see the white patch of belly with two eyes illuminating. They’re green. If you see red eyes, it’s a gator. [growling] There’s a frog.
I mean a big one, too. Hey, go right towards them bushes. Coming in hot. I see him. Get him? Yeah, I got him. Man, got hit in my head, there. I would rate Jason Robertson as one of the greatest frog catchers of all time. He’ll sacrifice life and limb to get the frog. You get him? Yeah, I got him. Oh, yeah. I have caught thousands of frogs in my life.
I’m a frog’s nightmare. Little tadpoles are having nightmares about me. Because I go in and I take them out. I was just born that way. JASE: Frog hunting’s a three-man job. You got a man catching him. That’s my area of expertise. You got a motor man. And an ice chest man. Calm down. The catcher and the motor man, they have to have some skills.
The ice chest man can be any human being. So that was Willie’s job. Get him, Willie. Hey. You just kissed his butt. Miss Kay’s going to be happy. Happy, happy, happy. How many does that make us, Will? We got a passel load of them. If we leave right now, I can get y’all back at the house at 3:00 AM. Let’s get us one more.
One more. We’ve got a $100,000 order to do tomorrow. And all Jase wants to do is catch one more frog. [shouts] [laughing] Willie, what you doing out there? What kind of snake is that? WILLIE: It’s not that I was scared of that snake. I just didn’t know what kind of snake it was. I mean, if it’s poisonous, I’m getting out of the boat.
That’s one of them doggone water moccasins. –doggone water moccasins. He’s all right. And he’s back in the boat. Well that was worth seeing, I’ll have to admit that. Hey, let’s get back on the frogs. You’ll be all right. Suck it up. JASE: He was acting like his life was in jeopardy. What a weenie. Too many days in the subdivision.
Snakes fall out of trees, you go to running.
